- Grace Polk: [leaving class] I think I actually lost body mass from boredom.
- Joan Girardi: I can't believe I'm looking forward to seeing Mrs. Gross. I even miss her mole.
- Substitute Teacher God: How can you not be interested in Romantic poetry, Joan, with your imagination? I like that you made yourself a record producer.
- Joan Girardi: God shouldn't be boring. And you're in my daydreams? That's worse than spying.
- Substitute Teacher God: Why don't you do the extra credit assignment?
- Joan Girardi: What for? This is my good class.
- Substitute Teacher God: Because you might learn something, you might enjoy it, and because I'm asking you to.
- Joan Girardi: Yeah, but those first two don't really matter, do they?
- [seeing her expression, she sighs]
- Joan Girardi: What is it? I'm already late for lunch.
- [reading the assignment on the blackboard]
- Joan Girardi: "Choose a poem by Byron, Shelley, or Keats. Analyze and explain." Wow. I almost fell asleep just saying that.
- Det. Carlisle: You want to tell me what's going on?
- Will Girardi: If I knew.
- Det. Carlisle: Boss drags us out for some dead drunk in an alley. Are we on some kind of probation?
- Will Girardi: Apparently.
- Det. Carlisle: You know, Will, you can talk to me. It's kind of already out there, you know? It's sort of an open secret in the department.
- Will Girardi: What is?
- Det. Carlisle: You and Preston.
- Will Girardi: [exasperated] She's got a thing for me. She's created this whole mythology. She claims I played into it.
- Det. Carlisle: Did you?
- Will Girardi: No. I don't know. Oh, hell, I hope not. I'm a happily married man. The whole idea of it is insane.
- Det. Carlisle: Hey, you know, you had all that, uh, pressure with the lawsuit.
- Will Girardi: Nothing happened. Do you hear me?
- Det. Carlisle: I hear you. But we're in an alley a 4:00 in the morning for no good reason.
- Will Girardi: I'm being punished because nothing happened.
- Det. Carlisle: Okay. What does Helen say?
- [seeing Will's reaction]
- Det. Carlisle: You didn't tell her.
- Will Girardi: How the hell do I start that conversation?
- Joan Girardi: I just don't get it. Well, these poems are supposed to be romantic, but they're all about death.
- Luke Girardi: Death is romantic.
- Grace Polk: Especially when there's blood.
- Luke Girardi: Or a plague.
- Grace Polk: Yep.
- Joan Girardi: [sarcastic] Why haven't we double-dated?
- Joan Girardi: I didn't know Adam had an assistant.
- Adam Rove: Oh, it just happened, you know? I put an ad in the school paper.
- Stevie Marx: And I'm so stoked.
- Adam Rove: Yeah, and she's gonna help me out with my design shop stuff.
- Stevie Marx: Plus, I get two whole art credits for hanging around and watching him be a genius.
- Joan Girardi: Aw, I do that for free.
- Adam Rove: Guys, don't make a thing of it, okay? I needed an assistant, she answered the ad.
- Grace Polk: And I guess all the ugly assistants were taken.
- Adam Rove: Don't you have an appointment in the biology closet?
- Adam Rove: Jane, don't go there. She's on the spirit squad, okay? She has the Hello Kitty stuff.
- Joan Girardi: You never mentioned needing an assistant. I could have helped you.
- Adam Rove: When? You're busier than I am.
- Kevin Girardi: Stella, the usual to go. Make it snappy.
- Stella: We're backed up. No special treatment for gimps.
- Kevin Girardi: You've got moxie. I like that.
- Grace Polk: What a great time of year. It's freezing, midterms are coming up, it's a billion years before school's out, everybody's sick, and there's nothing to look forward to.
- Friedman: [singsong] Valentine's Day.
- Grace Polk: [to Luke] Don't even think about it.
- Luke Girardi: No, I'm a guy. I'll totally forget it.
- Adam Rove: So, are we doing physics study group today?
- Joan Girardi: I can't. I'm getting tutored in English. Extra credit.
- Adam Rove: Tutored? I thought you were doing okay in English.
- Joan Girardi: Well, apparently I could do better.
- Grace Polk: What is with all this trying, Girardi? You're like a stranger to me.
- Det. Carlisle: What's with Preston breathing down our necks?
- Will Girardi: Sorry you're getting dragged into this.
- Det. Carlisle: Ah, she's teaching me a lesson, too. Afraid of what I might know, possibly.
- Will Girardi: She's not afraid of anything, and she's untouchable.
- Det. Carlisle: You have a sexual harrassment case. You can file without pressing charges.
- Will Girardi: Yeah, and then I can retire and run a flower shop.
- Det. Carlisle: I'm just saying.
- Joan Girardi: [reading a book of poetry] Honestly, how much worse are the Backstreet Boys?
- Roger: You're taking it out of context, and reading it like you're on NyQuil.
- Joan Girardi: But they're so seriously dull! I mean, just tell me how to write the paper.
- Roger: And let you miss the point of Byron? Couldn't live with myself.
- Geek God: Dreams influence and accentuate life, but they don't define it.
- Joan Girardi: Wait. You were the one that told me to study romantic poetry.
- Geek God: Study it, yes, so that you can understand it. Differentiate.
- Joan Girardi: Am... am I losing Adam?
- Geek God: People don't really belong to each other, Joan, regardless of what contract they sign. They choose each other every day. But if you're worried, why don't you just ask him?
- Lieutenant Lucy Preston: Detective Girardi, what the hell's your problem?
- Will Girardi: Where to begin? But let's just narrow it down to you.
- Lieutenant Lucy Preston: Is it so hard to give me this victory? Really, Will, be a man.
- Will Girardi: I am a man, Lieutenant Preston, and one who's capable of exercising considerable restraint, because usually when I encounter something this evil, I take a swing at it. But in this case, I'll just say goobye, and thank God you're somebody else's problem.
- Little Girl God: [reading a fairytale book in the bookstore] "And they all lived happily ever after." There's a surprise. You guys really like that ending.
- Joan Girardi: Yeah well, you have a better one?
- Little Girl God: They move towards spiritual growth and enlightenment?
- Joan Girardi: Yeah that's gonna work with the kids.
- Little Girl God: Ever notice that the guy has to risk his life and the girl is nearly dead when he finds her? it takes a kiss to wake her up and they ride off together. It's a nice metaphor.
- Joan Girardi: For what?
- Little Girl God: Death and resurrection.
- Joan Girardi: Yeah, well that's a fun party game.
- Little Girl God: It happens all the time. The illusion dies so something deeper can take its place.
- Joan Girardi: Are you saying that Adam and I are just an illusion?
- Little Girl God: Romance serves a purpose. It's a meditative state. It puts logic to sleep so people can come together. Otherwise you guys probably wouldn't risk it.
- Joan Girardi: Why did you have to make love so complicated? I mean, couldn't that one thing have been easy?
- Little Girl God: Love is big. It's a bright light in the universe. And a bright light casts a big shadow. So what do you want to do Joan?
- Joan Girardi: How am I supposed to know?
- Little Girl God: [hands Joan the book] By looking at it. Real love is hard work. You have to decide if you want it in your story or if you'd rather just stay in the dream.