The Honeymooners (TV Series)

Brother Ralph (1955)

Jackie Gleason: Ralph Kramden

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alice Kramden : [Ralph has gone into the bedroom to get Alice's slippers]  Oh, Ralph? Ralph!

  Ralph Kramden : [comes out, mildly annoyed]  What is it now?

  Alice Kramden : I forgot to tell ya something and it's very important. I told Tony that I lived with my brother. See, he doesn't know that I'm married, so when he gets here, you just say you're my brother.

  Ralph Kramden : [nods in agreement, turns to go into the bedroom, and immediately storms out]  *WHAT*? You told him that you were not what and I'm who?

  Alice Kramden : Well, I couldn't very well tell him that I was married. They don't believe in hiring married women; it's an office rule.

  Ralph Kramden : [getting steamed, somewhat incredulous]  And also that Frank and Bill and Pete and George, they don't know that you're married, either?

  Alice Kramden : Of course not. See, they figured that if they hired a married woman, she might leave to start a family, or her husband might tell her to quit to something.

  Ralph Kramden : Oh, they're so right! You are quittin'! You are quittin'! And this isn't your brother talkin', this is your husband!

• Ralph Kramden : [about the job Alice got]  In order to get it, she had to tell the boss that she wasn't married. And on top of everything, she told him that I was her brother!

  Ed Norton : Well, if that's what she had to say to get the job, then that's what she had to say.

  Ralph Kramden : Don't you understand the implications of a thing like that? If the boss knows she's single, he's liable to try to make a date with her!

  Ed Norton : Now, wait a minute, Ralph, that won't necessarily follow through. Take my cousin, for instance. She works. Her boss knows she's single. He don't try to make no date with her. 'Course, she looks like an orangutan.

• Alice Kramden : [Ralph has been laid off and Alice is talking about getting a job to help make ends meet]  I can get a job as a secretary.

  Ralph Kramden : Oh, you can. And who do you think is gonna do the housework around here?

  Alice Kramden : [smiles sweetly]  Guess...

  Ralph Kramden : Oh, no! No, sir, Alice. No, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir! No, sir! Not me!

  Alice Kramden : Oh, yes, you are, Ralph! I'm getting a job and you're gonna do the housework!

• Alice Kramden : Listen, Ralph, I did not spend that money on clothes and you know it! Besides, how far do you think 62 dollars a week will go?

  Ralph Kramden : Will you shut your big mouth and stop yelling my salary? I don't want the neighbors to know how much I'm makin'!

  Alice Kramden : Sixty-two dollars a week!

  [yelling] 

  Alice Kramden : Sixty-two dollars a week! SIXTY-TWO DOLLARS A WEEK!

  Ralph Kramden : Will you stop that? I don't want my salary to leak out!

  Alice Kramden : *Your* salary couldn't *drip* out!

  Ralph Kramden : Ooh, you're flirting with death!

• Ralph Kramden : [talking about Norton]  Somewhere, Alice, somewhere, there's a straitjacket waiting for that man!

• Ed Norton : [asking about Ralph's idea to lay off some of the bus drivers]  What's the good word, buddy boy?

  Ralph Kramden : *I* was the first to go.