- Tim Taylor: When a child puts a severed head, real or otherwise, in an oven, they're not doing that to scare you. They're doing that to reach out. They're saying, "Mom and Dad, I love you. Please, please scare me."
- Randy: [Trick or Treaters at the door consist of a Buzz Lightyear and Simba the lion] Alright, one candy bar for the space man and uh, seven for the cute little lion.
- Jill Taylor: Brad and Randy nearly gave me a heart attack with that disgusting thing.
- Tim Taylor: They didn't wait for me?
- Jill Taylor: Tim, this isn't funny. They put a rubber tarantula in Mark's underwear and, you know what, they pumped slime through every slat in Wilson's fence.
- Tim Taylor: And they didn't wait for me?
- Larry: In all my years, I have never seen a family go to such sick lengths to torture each other on Halloween.
- Brad Taylor: Did you use live here or something?
- Larry: Yes with my brother before the
- [pause]
- Larry: incident!