- Col. Klink: Hogan, that's the most terrible idea I ever heard in my life.
- Col. Hogan: What?
- Col. Klink: If I get into that car I could be mistaken for an escaping prisoner. Now the Gestapo has orders to shoot and kill. I would end up dead.
- Col. Hogan: Now tell me the part that's terrible.
- Sgt. Schultz: If you don't take the kite down, it will be 10 days in the cooler!
- LeBeau: It would be worth it, Schultz, to know that I made one little boy happy.
- Sgt. Schultz: What little boy?
- LeBeau: Your nephew. I made this kite for him. I just wanted to make sure it would fly.
- Sgt. Schultz: You made the kite for my nephew, Wolfgang?
- LeBeau: Well, war is war, Schultz, but I would still like to bring a smile to a little boy's face.
- Sgt. Schultz: You made it for Wolfie?
- LeBeau: Now, now, Schultz, don't cry.
- Sgt. Schultz: Wolfie loves kites. I used to take him into the park and we both used to fly them.
- LeBeau: Here Schultz, fly this one.
- Sgt. Schultz: May I?
- LeBeau: Go ahead.
- Sgt. Schultz: Oh, it's a very good kite!
- LeBeau: Well, I'm glad you like it.
- Sgt. Schultz: Oh, it is a wonderful thing to do something like this for a little German boy.
- LeBeau: I hope he remembers it when he grows up into a dirty Boche!