- Col. Wilhelm Klink: I distinctly saw Colonel Hogan watching the planes when they flew over the camp.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, do not try to explain this incident to him. If he asks questions, do not act as if you know anything. You know nothing! You are ignorant!
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, sir, I'm ignorant. I shall do it right away.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I have every confidence in your ability along those lines.
- Sgt. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: Come on, Schultz, you can't be that stupid.
- Sgt. Hans Georg Schultz: Who says I can't?
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: I was prepared to be ignorant, Herr General, just as you ordered.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: The most unnecessary orders I ever gave.
- Olsen: [about Carter and LeBeau, who are dressed as Germans] How do you like our Krauts?
- Sgt. James 'Kinch' Kinchloe: They look good enough to shoot.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: [addressing the flyers] At ease, gentlemen. This is Colonel Leman, who will be in command for the phase of your training.
- Colonel Richard Leman: Gentlemen, up until now, you have been learning how to fly RAF planes. The type used by the British Fighter Command. And now I will explain your mission. All of you have been chosen for 'Operation Albatross'.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Operation Albatross? Ooh, I like that name.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I'm glad. there was no time to consult you in advance.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, that's quite all right, Herr General.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Thank you. And shut up!
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Shut up. Yes, sir.
- Colonel Richard Leman: Beginning tomorrow, you will learn RAF recognition codes and flight plans. After that, you and your planes will be transported to our airfields on the coast of France. At that time, you will fly up, infiltrate the enemy squadron, shoot them down and destroy them. You will be the foxes among the sheep.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: And your first strike against the enemy will be on the 12th. A birthday present for our beloved Vice Marshall Goering. Any questions? Any comments?
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: [clears his throat] Gentlemen, I just want to tell you how proud I am to be the kommandant of your base.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: [interrupting Klink] Excellent. The moment we named it 'Operation Albatross', we thought of you.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Thank you, Herr General.
- Colonel Richard Leman: That's all, gentlemen.
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Oh, General, Colonel, there is just little problem.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: What have you done now?
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: I distinctly saw Colonel Hogan watching the planes when they flew over the camp.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: Klink, do not try to explain this incident to him. If he asks questions, you will not act as if you knew anything. You know nothing! You are ignorant!
- Col. Wilhelm Klink: Yes, sir, I'm ignorant.
- General der Infanterie Albert Burkhalter: I have every confidence in your ability along those lines.
- Col. Hogan: Thanks a lot, Fritzi, you've been a big help. Heil Hitler.
- [Fritzi starts barking angrily and bares his teeth]
- Col. Hogan: Are you sure he's a German shepherd?
- Col. Hogan: So any way, I got on the radio then to the squadron leader and I said, "My fuselage is full of holes. I can't make it home. What should I do?" And he said, "Don't land in Switzerland. They'll sell you for cheese."