Plot

To help the Allied invasion at Normandy, Hogan convinces the Germans that Klink has been promoted to Chief of Staff.

Hogan is summoned back to England and finds out that D-Day is close at hand and is given the assignment to disrupt a conference by the German generals' staff to delay any action they may take during the invasion. To this end Hogan has Kinch imitate Hitler and has him call Klink to inform him that due to his being the most inept officer in Germany that he has been chosen to be the new chief of staff, replacing General Von Scheider. However, the fun really begins when the invasion begins and Klink has no idea what to do. Also, Hogan must contact Von Scheider's wife Lilli, who was a deep planted English agent prior to the war, who is to be informed her assignment is over. However, Hogan isn't sure where her loyalties lie and whether or not she is still on the side of the Allies.—Brian Washington <Sargebri@att.net>

At the start, Hogan is in London. Hogan goes into an office is Class A uniform and meets a general, who is not named but Hogan knows. The general pulls down a map of Europe, and Hogan guesses that it is a map of the D-Day Normandy invasion. The General tells him to forget that he saw it. The date will be soon, but was not divulged. The General wants no mistakes on our part, but would welcome mistakes on the part of the Germans. He says that the German General Staff knows that something is up and has been having meetings. Most of their locations have been bombed, so they will be meeting at STALAG 13. The General tells Hogan that he has a knack for doing unusual things; Hogan says that he has a good crew. The general says that they need some indecision from the Germans, to tie up the German General Staff. How Hogan does it is up to him. There is also an informant, the wife of General von Scheider, who is also going to be at STALAG 13. She married von Scheider two years ago and contact with her was broken, intentionally. Hogan is to use her if needed, but not trust her totally.

Back at camp. Schultz comes to the barracks, and wakes everybody up. He says that prisoners are confined to the barracks. He is wearing white gloves, so something is up. He realizes that Hogan is not there. He hears knocking on a bunk, the bunk that leads down to the tunnel. LeBeau tells Schultz to go to Hogan's office, so he goes there. While he is in there, Hogan comes up from the tunnel, and closes the entrance. Schultz is surprised that Hogan is now there. He tells Hogan and the men that nothing should happen in the next few days, and then leaves. Hogan tells the men that the German Army General Staff is due here. He asks the men who does the best Hitler; he is asked audio or visual? On the phone, Kinchloe does it best.

Later in Klink's office, Klink get a phone call from Kinch who is impersonating Hitler. He tells Klink that he is looking for a new Chief of Staff. Hogan comes in and congratulates Klink.

General Karl von Scheider and his wife Lilly come to Klink's quarters. Von Scheider and Klink leave. Hogan comes up the tunnel through the stove entrance. Lilly sees him, and tells him that if he is escaping, he is headed in the wrong direction. They talk, with Hogan telling her that he knows that she is a planted agent. How up to date is the information? She tells him that she needed contacts, and was angry at being cut off. Hogan tells her that he is working on a plan to immobilize the General Staff; he is replacing the Chief of Staff with the most incompetent colonel - Klink. Hogan asks her if she is in or out; she says yes, for laughs. Hogan says that she will have a million laughs.

In Hogan's office, Carter is dressed as a Gestapo major. Schultz comes in and tells Hogan that a Gestapo major is coming in; he does not see Carter behind him. Schultz keeps talking with Hogan. Then he sees Carter as the Gestapo major; Carter fools Schultz. Carter then leaves.

General von Scheider and 4 generals are in Klink's office. They are talking about plans. Von Scheider says that he is being replaced by Klink. One of the other generals objects. In the outer office, Klink is listening in with his ear to the door. Carter comes in as the Gestapo major and sees Klink in that position. Carter/Gestapo goes into Klink's office and interrupts the General Staff. Hogan comes in on some unstated business. Carter/Gestapo says that they have found a new Chief of Staff. General Bruner and General von Katz waiver on Klink, but neither will contradict Hitler.

Newkirk and Carter are in the tunnel at a telephone switchboard intercepting calls coming to STALAG 13. LeBeau tells Hogan that Frau von Scheider has come down into the tunnel. She goes to Hogan and says that the plan will not work. Hogan tells her that his orders are to get her out of Germany and back to England. She would not rather say if she wants to go or not.

In Klink's office, the phone rings, von Scheider answers. He is told to put Klink on. Klink is on the phone thinking that he is talking to Hitler; actually it is Kinch impersonating Hitler. He makes Klink his new Chief of Staff. Kinch says that von Scheider will succeed Klink as Kommandant of STALAG 13. The generals toast Klink as the new Chief of Staff. Suddenly, Schultz comes in and tells Klink that there is a phone call from someone who wants to talk to von Scheider. Klink takes the call, and says that he is the new Chief of Staff. Klink gets the word that the allies are invading France. "Those barbarians." Klink does not know what to do. Another phone call; Schultz answers the phone. It is General Rommell's headquarters; the allies are hitting the beaches at Normandy, what is he to do? The panzers can only be moved on orders from Hitler himself. Klink calls General Bournemann at Berchtesgarten, tells them that the allies are invading Normandy. He asks what to do; he is told that Hitler is in bed and can not be disturbed. Klink does not want to disturb him, and hangs up. One of the generals in Klink's office says that they must do something. Klink asks if they want more champagne.

At the end, in the tunnel, Kinch is sending a message that the Germans are not moving reinforcements. LeBeau wants to volunteer to fight with the invading forces. Hogan tells LeBeau to take Frau von Scheider out. Hogan asks her about any farewell messages. She says that she leaves no one behind. Hogan tells Carter that when he gets older, he will understand.