- An assertive Gen. Burkhalter "requisitions" the famous Édouard Manet painting, "The Fife Player," from the Louvre museum in Paris to give to Hermann Goering as a birthday present. Undaunted by seemingly impossible logistics, Hogan and LeBeau decide to steal it back.—Anonymous
- At the start, a German staff car is seen coming down a dirt road in a forest. There is a nearby bombing raid, with two-engined bombers dropping bombs. In the car are General Burkhalter, two enlisted guards (1 a driver), and a wooden package containing something. The car stops, and Burkhalter and the two guards get out to take cover from the raid. Burkhalter has the driver take the package out of the back seat.
After the raid, Burkhalter in his staff car come to STALAG 13. Kinchloe and some of the men see Burkhalter arrive, with a package in the back of the car. Kinch, Newkirk, and LeBeau go to Hogan's office to tell Hogan about this. When they get there, Carter is cutting Hogan's hair. Carter seems to cut too close in some spots, and Hogan objects to him nipping his ear. Kinch tells Hogan about Burkhalter and the package, and Hogan is interested. Hogan tells LeBeau to go to Klink's office, with the excuse that he was told to wash the windows.
In Klink's office, Burkhalter is talking to Klink. Burkhalter shows Klink the painting he 'borrowed' from the Louvre 'The Boy With the Fife'. He is going to give it to Goring for his birthday. He wants to keep it at STALAG 13 in the meantime where it is safe; the allies would never bomb a POW camp. He entrusts the safety of the painting to Klink. Burkhalter and Klink then leave Klink's office while talking. After they leave, LeBeau comes in through the window, takes the painting out of its wood package, looks at it, and is mad. He finds something to pry the painting out of its frame.
Back in the barracks, Hogan comes in, having just come from Klink's office. He is mad. Klink found out that the painting is missing. Hogan talks about the painting, and asks LeBeau where the painting is. LeBeau gets the painting and shows it to Hogan and the men. After thinking for a few seconds, Hogan gets an idea. He wants to go to Paris, and have someone make a copy of the painting.
In Klink's office, Klink is mad, and tells Schultz that the camp will be locked down until the painting is found. If the painting is not found, Burkhalter will give Klink the firing squad. Just then, Hogan and LeBeau come into Klink's office. Hogan says that he found the painting. Where? Hogan then dumps a box full of ashes in a bowl. Hogan suggests some glue and time, and he can put the painting back together again. Klink does not like the idea. Hogan then makes a suggestion: Make a good copy of the painting. Hogan suggests that he and LeBeau go to Paris, find someone who can make a copy of the painting, and put the copy back in place of the original. Hogan asks LeBeau for suggestions; LeBeau knows someone who has copied paintings. Klink is hesitant. Hogan asks Schultz about suggestions for the firing squad; Schultz suggests 'Willie' and 'Fritz' before he is interrupted. Klink says that he will write up orders for Hogan and LeBeau to go to Paris 'for questioning', with Schultz and Corporal Langenscheidt as guards.
The next day, Hogan, LeBeau, and Schultz get in the back seat of a staff car, with Langenscheidt driving. After leaving, a little way down the road, Hogan stops the car, and has Schultz get out and change into a General's uniform. Schultz has questions about doing this and says that he might be sent to the Russian front. Hogan asks Schultz if he would rather go to the Russian front as a general or as a sergeant. Schultz thinks for a couple of seconds, and agrees to the change.
Now in Paris, Schultz is in a general's uniform, with Langenscheidt still as a corporal, in their Class A uniforms, sitting at a table at an outdoor cafe. Hogan and LeBeau are at a nearby table. Two Gestapo, one in uniform and the other in a raincoat and hat, are at another nearby table. A man and a woman. two Underground agents, come up to Hogan's table; LeBeau greets them and talks in French. Hogan, LeBeau, and the two Underground agents leave; Schultz and Langenscheidt follow them; the two Gestapo then follow them.
Hogan, Schultz, LeBeau, and the two agents go to the man's workshop, upstairs in a nearby building. The man, Monsieur Vertaine, is an artist who copies paintings. In the mean time, the other agent. Suzette, gets Schultz and Langenscheidt some wine. Hogan tells Vertaine his plan. Vertaine sees the painting. and agrees to make a copy. Schultz wants to report Hogan for doing this but Hogan talks him out of it. By this time, Schultz and Langenscheidt are half drunk. Hogan tells Schultz that he is half drunk, and Schultz says that he sees nothing.
Just then, they hear a siren outside. Hogan looks out a window, and sees that the Gestapo have come to the building. The two Gestapo that were at the outdoor cafe come to the room. Suzette answers the door; they come in. They start to look around, asking questions. The one in the uniform finds a locked door; he asks her for the key. As they are about to break the door down, Schultz comes out, still half drunk. He tries to pull rank on the Gestapo. He says that he is here visiting his niece. 'How dare you come here and disturb' a general visiting his niece. Schultz says that he will report them to their superior, and to his superior, and to his superior, and keep going until it comes back to him; and if he reports this to himself, they will be in big trouble. The Gestapo leave. Hogan and the others come out of the back room. LeBeau asks Schultz how he did it; Schultz says that he was lucky for them that he was loaded.
Later, the replacement painting is done. Hogan and LeBeau look at the painting and see that it is good. LeBeau kisses Suzette; Suzette kisses Hogan. Schultz talks to Langenscheidt; both are drunk, and still drinking the wine.
Back at STALAG 13, the replacement is in the wooden crate of the original. Burkhalter comes and asks to see the painting. He looks at it, and says that it somehow looks different; Klink says that it may be the sunlight, even though they are indoors. Hogan and LeBeau come to Klink's office to see the painting; LeBeau heard that the painting was here, and being French, wants to see the painting. Klink says that the painting may be different; Burkhalter asks LeBeau if he has seen the painting before; LeBeau says yes, many times. Burkhalter then asks LeBeau if the painting is the same one that was in the Louvre. LeBeau approaches the painting, and Burkhalter hands him a magnifying glass; LeBeau waves it off. LeBeau looks at the painting a bit. He says that this is an expert copy. It HAS to be a copy; the original was taken by Goring, and a copy was hung in its place. Burkhalter then thanks them and says that he saved him from embarrassment. He would be a laughing stock if he gave Goring the copy of the picture that he has the original of. Burkhalter says that he is indebted to Klink and his prisoners. Burkhalter then says that he wants another gift for Goring; Hogan suggests a do-it-yourself hari-kari kit. Burkhalter and Klink leave, with Hogan, LeBeau, and Schultz still in the office. Hogan gives LeBeau and Schultz wine glasses and starts pouring schnapps from Klink's decanter. He asks Schultz how Klink got to be a colonel. Schultz says 'Somebody wants us to lose the war'.
At the end, Hogan and the men are outside in the compound. Hogan is telling Kinch what they saw on the way to Paris and back, including 5 anti-aircraft units and a panzer division heading toward the coast. Kinch is writing the notes down. Hogan tells Kinch to get the information off to London by the radio. Schultz comes to Hogan. He has good news; Klink gave him a 12-hour pass. Schultz asks Hogan to borrow the general's uniform that he had in Paris, so he can impress a waitress at a bar. Hogan says 'Let me introduce you to my son, the general'.
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content