"Green Acres" Water, Water Everywhere (TV Episode 1966) - Eddie Albert as Oliver Wendell Douglas

Lisa Douglas : In the old country, they don't look for water with a stick. They do it scientifically.

Oliver Douglas : Oh?

Lisa Douglas : They put a goldfish in a shoe, and then they throw the shoe out the window.

Oliver Douglas : That's scientific?

Lisa Douglas : Of course! And then the goldfish swims upstream until it finds the water.

Oliver Douglas : Mm hmm. Now... uh... how does he swim upstream if there's no water?

Lisa Douglas : His friends help him.
Lisa Douglas : How would you like to have your hotcakes?

Oliver Douglas : In a restaurant.

Lisa Douglas : Oh, it's going to be one of those days. When you wake up in the morning being nasty, then as the day goes on you get worse, then at night you want to kiss and make up.

Oliver Douglas : Now what's wrong with that?

Lisa Douglas : Couldn't we start the morning with a make up?

Oliver Douglas : Alright.

[kisses her on the nose]

Oliver Douglas : We friends?

Lisa Douglas : [not satisfied] What else could we be with a kiss like that?
Oliver Douglas : Well that's a stupid and ridiculous law!

Sam Drucker : That's what it's going to be known as: the stupid and ridiculous law of 1966.
Lisa Douglas : [seeing Willie with his divining rod] What's that sthick for?

Oliver Douglas : He uses that to look for the water.

Lisa Douglas : Oh, he's a sthick-looker.

Oliver Douglas : A dowser.

Lisa Douglas : What's a dowser?

Oliver Douglas : [pauses] A sthick-looker.

Eddie Albert: Oliver Wendell Douglas