- Lisa Douglas: [about Ralph] Why don't you want to take her? Don't you like her?
- Hank Kimball: Aww, she's not too bad. She's not too good either. Ah, well, she does have some nice, uh... Well, they're not really nice, uh... Well, they're not really nice, they're, uh... I'll say one thing for her: she's a mess!
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: [after the ball] Could we forget the whole thing? It was a shambles.
- Lisa Douglas: It wasn't a complete shambles. You did come in third in the beauty contest.
- Oliver Wendell Douglas: I didn't enter the beauty contest. I was just walking by to get you a drink of water. Somebody pinned a ribbon on me.
- Lisa Douglas: You could have won if you'd been nicer to the judges.
- Sam Drucker: [Haney claims that Lisa and Hank are running off to Acapulco] That's nonsense. Mrs. Douglas isn't that kind of a woman.
- Eustace Charleton Haney: That's what they said about Cleopatra just before she run off with Richard Burton.
- Sam Drucker: Cleopatra didn't...
- Fred Ziffel: I still can't figure why she picked Hank Kimball.
- Eustace Charleton Haney: Well, I've heard he has a certain animal attraction.
- Fred Ziffel: Well, I never seen no dogs runnin' after him.