The Goodies (TV Series)

The Stolen Musicians (1971)

Henry McGee: The Music Master

Quotes 

• The Music Master : [the Goodies have failed to produce a hit record for the Music Master. To his henchmen:]  Take them away. You know what to do.

  Gerald : Oh not, not that boss!

  The Music Master : Yes!

  [Plays a sinister note on his pipe organ] 

  The Music Master : That!

  Bill Oddie : What?

  Tim : They're gonna kill us!

  The Music Master : Oh no! Something far worse! I'm going to lock you in a cell with...

  [plays another sinister note] 

  The Music Master : Rolf Harris!

  Rolf Harris : [a henchman opens a nearby cell door and Rolf Harris can be heard singing]  Tie me kangaroo down, sport. Tie me kangaroo down. Tie me kangaroo down, sport...

  Bill Oddie , Tim , Graeme Garden : [the henchmen begin hustling the Goodies in to the cell]  NO! NO! PLEASE! STOP!

• The Music Master : [holds up a tiny circle of plastic]  I used to produce records like this - The Best of Rolf Harris

  Tim : But... but there's nothing on it!

  The Music Master : True...

• The Music Master : [the music master is showing off all the world-famous musicians he's already kidnapped]  ... and in the next chamber, my greatest accomplishment!

  Graeme Garden : You don't mean...

  The Music Master : Yes! I've gotten the Beatles back together!

  [the Music Master's henchman opens the chamber door and a bitter argument can be heard within. Somebody throws an electric guitar out the door in anger] 

• The Music Master : [the Music Master has kidnapped the Goodies and told them to create a hit song in only an hour. The deadline has just passed]  ... Now, let's see what the Goodies have come up with. They've been very quiet in there, I hope you haven't been too hard on them, Gerald.

  Gerald : They were a bit obstropolous, so I had to deal with them.

  The Music Master : Ah, I see.

  [Gerald opens the door to the Goodies' cell and the Goodies hop in, bound and gagged] 

  The Music Master : Ah, there you are. Have you come up with a hit record?

  [the Goodies mumble and shake their heads] 

  The Music Master : And why not?

  [the Goodies turn around to show that their hands have been tied] 

  The Music Master : Gerald, did you do that?

  Gerald : [Proudly]  Yes, boss!

  The Music Master : Well that really wasn't very fair on them was it? They can hardly be expected to produce a hit record if they can't sing or play instruments, can they?

  Gerald : Oh no, I didn't think of that. 'Cause they made such a 'orrible noise.

  The Music Master : "A 'orrible noise"? That could be the hit we're looking for!

• Bill Oddie : [the Music Master has just shown the Goodies some of the world famous musicians he has kidnapped]  You really do have them all, don't you?

  The Music Master : Every one of them, and now... I have you!

  Tim : A-ha! But that's where your little scheme fails. You see, we thought something like this was going on so we decided to investigate. We are not, as you thought, famous musicians. We are in fact: The Goodies!

  [the Goodies stand together with triumphant smiles on their faces] 

  Tim : [Unimpressed]  And what are you going to do?

  The Music Master : [the Goodies suddenly realize they are surrounded by the Music Master's henchmen who are all pointing guns at them]  We're going to shout...

  Bill Oddie , The Music Master , Graeme Garden : HELP! HELP!