The Golden Girls (TV Series)

Dorothy's New Friend (1988)

Betty White: Rose Nylund

Quotes 

• Blanche : What was your first impression of me?

  Rose Nylund : That you wore too much make-up and were a slut. But I was wrong. You don't wear too much make-up.

• Rose Nylund : [Rose and Blanche are at the kitchen table discussing first impressions; a "back in St. Olaf's" story inevitably ensues]  We used to call her Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper.

  Blanche : Yeah, kids can be pretty cruel.

  Rose Nylund : No, that was her name! Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper. She had it changed legally because everybody called her that anyway.

  Blanche : Then how come your name isn't Big Dummy?

  Rose Nylund : Well, there were already three other people in town with that name.

  Blanche : Oh.

  [nods] 

  Rose Nylund : But that's beside the point. One day I got up the courage to go up to Mean Old Lady Hickenlooper and I asked her why she always frowned. Well, she had been born with no smiling muscles! I pointed out that a frown is just a smile turned upside down! So from then on whenever I'd go by, she'd stand on her head and wave!

  Blanche : That is one of the stupidest stories I've ever heard - which proves my first impression of you was right.

• Blanche : Barbara, I picked up your first novel the other day.

  Barbara Thorndyke : Ah, yes. "So Dark the Waves On Biscayne Bay"

  [to Dorothy] 

  Barbara Thorndyke : I've grown so much as a writer since then.

  Blanche : Well, I should hope so!

  Dorothy : Blanche!

  Barbara Thorndyke : [to Dorothy]  It's alright

  [patronisingly to Blanche] 

  Barbara Thorndyke : Did you have a problem with my book, dear?

  Blanche : Yes, as a matter of fact I did, all those waves! Big waves. Little waves. Dark waves, rollin' in! Page after page! I had to take a Dramamine to get through chapter three!

  Barbara Thorndyke : Blanche, the waves are a metaphor. You see, a metaphor...

  Blanche : I know what a metaphor is, dear. I'm not a dummy.

  Rose Nylund : Blanche, what's a metaphor?

  Blanche : It's when you use a phrase to mean somethin' else. Like when I say "Men are blinded by my beauty". They're not really blinded. They get their sight back in a day or two!

• Blanche : Hi, Dorothy. Rose and I are thinking about going to the movies; you want to go?

  Dorothy : Oh, I can't tonight. No, Barbara is taking me to the experimental theatre downtown.

  Blanche : Somebody dragged me to a show there one time. Three men paraded around the stage for five hours talkin' about God eatin' graham crackers. They wore masks to cover their faces, but other than that they were totally naked.

  Rose Nylund : And you stayed through the whole evening?

  Blanche : Well, I would have left, but one of the actors looked so familiar to me.

  [Chews lip in thought] 

  Blanche : But it was hard to tell since he had such a small part.

• [Dorothy has announced to the girls that local author Barbara Thorndyke will be their guest that evening] 

  Rose Nylund : Barbara Thorndyke is coming here? Wow! I've never met a real author before.

  Blanche : I have. I once stood in line at a bookstore for Arnold Schwarzenegger's autograph!

  Dorothy : You know, when I think of great literary figures of our time it's usually Faulkner, Fritgerald and...

  Blanche : And Schwarzenegger. Yeah.

  Rose Nylund : Did he sign your book?

  Blanche : Yes. But only after he refused to sign my thigh!

  Dorothy : He was probably intimidated to see a thigh bigger than his.

• Dorothy : I haven't had that stimulating a conversation in years.

  Blanche : Now Dorothy, if you're saying you can't get stimulating conversation around this house, I beg to differ.

  Rose Nylund : [walks in with a tabloid]  I can't believe it, it says here that since Michael Jackson can't buy the Elephant Man, he's now put in a bid for the remains of The Big Bopper.