- Maxwell Smart: Where are we, Max?
- 99: In a dark room.
- Maxwell Smart: But where?
- 99: Obviously in a dark building.
- Maxwell Smart: I hear water, Max!
- 99: Make that a wet dark building.
- Maxwell Smart: [Max and 99 are almost hit by an arrow in the Tunnel of Love] Hm, I wonder what Dr. Spock would have to say about this kind of love?
- Maxwell Smart: [on shoe-phone] Hello Chief?
- Chief: [on phone in office] Hello Max. What's wrong? your voice sounds scratchy.
- Maxwell Smart: Oh, it must be the sand in the shoe. Chief.
- 99: Max! How in the world did you do it?
- Maxwell Smart: The old inflatable head in the cloak trick, 99.
- Maxwell Smart: This place is swarming with KAOS agents.
- Maxwell Smart: I know that, that's why we can't stand out here. We gotta find a place to hide.
- Agent 99: Well, what about in there?
- [pointing at an attraction with a giant octopus]
- Maxwell Smart: Are you kidding? There are gollywoggles in there!
- Maxwell Smart: One of the world's greatest philosophers, Ghengis Khan, once said that a warped barrel is a fool's frustration.