- Maxwell Smart: Say, Siegfried, this sure is a nice little submarine you got here.
- Siegfried: [ignoring him] Prepare torpedo!
- Maxwell Smart: Eh, would you mind if I took a little peek?
- Siegfried: We don't peek here!
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: The trick is stupid!
- [the sub is shaking on impact]
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: The trick is dumb!
- [another hit]
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: The trick is childish!
- [nothing happens]
- Maxwell Smart - Agent 86: The trick is childish!... and the trick is working.
- Maxwell Smart: How many packets of explosives do we have left?
- # 99: Eh... two.
- Maxwell Smart: Good. I'll use one of them to blow open the envelope.
- Maxwell Smart: I like that plan, Chief. It's inventive, imaginative and brilliantly thought out.
- # 99: Max, it sounds like a suicide mission to me.
- Maxwell Smart: Well of course it's a suicide mission, 99, so what? Our next mission will be easier.
- Siegfried: That trick is stupid! That trick is dumb! That trick is childish! Und... the destroyer is out of range.
- # 99: [Siegfried is planning to fire 86 and 99 from the sub's torpedo tubes] May I have one last request?
- Siegfried: Last request?
- # 99: It's just that Maxwell Smart and I have been very dear friends for a long time and I'd like to... shake his hand goodbye.
- Siegfried: What kind of a last request is this?
- Chief: [the Chief has assigned Max's number to another agent in his absence] I'm sorry Max.
- Maxwell Smart: It's ok, Chief. I'm expendable.
- Chief: I'll make it up to you Max.
- Maxwell Smart: A raise?
- Chief: No, we're over budget.
- Maxwell Smart: A vacation?
- Chief: I can't spare you right now.
- Maxwell Smart: How about another suicide mission?