- Greco: You don't look like a trainer to me.
- Maxwell Smart: Is that so. Well, I happen to be an expert. Why, I once trained a girl to swim across the English channel four times. Would you believe it, four times!
- Greco: I find that hard to believe.
- Maxwell Smart: Would you believe three times across the Mississippi?
- Greco: I don't think so.
- Maxwell Smart: How about twice around the bathtub?
- [Greco walks off]
- Maxwell Smart: [to 99 and the Chief] Once around the bathtub?
- Chief: [Max just dove into a pool to retrieve a bottle which turns out to be empty] Sorry about that, Max.
- Maxwell Smart: Well, that's all right, Chief. It wasn't a complete waste of time. This is a deposit bottle. I can get a nickel back on it.
- Maxwell Smart: Chief, the food here is terrible. This sandwich tastes like I'm chewing on paper.
- # 99: Max, the message!
- Maxwell Smart: [realizing] I'm chewing on paper.
- Maxwell Smart: [takes out the message] Chief, it's the message: unable to leave message in pool. The names of the enemy agents are:
- Chief: Are what?
- Maxwell Smart: In my stomach.
- Chief: What?
- Maxwell Smart: I ate the rest of the message, Chief.
- Chief: Max, please be careful. You'll be out there alone. A walking target for a killer.
- Maxwell Smart: And... loving it.
- Maxwell Smart: Well at least we won't have any trouble with these good old American names:
- Maxwell Smart: [reads from a list] Bobby Jean Harper, Betty June Parker, Bonnie Joan Booker and Bunny Jane Baker.