- Benny: [cuts eye holes in a sheet] That ought to do it.
- Max Lopez: [puts it on] Thanks for the cool costume, Grandma.
- Benny: Yeah well, I had 30 seconds to kill.
- George Lopez: [walks in and sees them] Wow, that's a scary ass costume... yours looks good too, Max.
- Angie Lopez: Kids need to stay busy or they get into trouble, and I read a report that most underage sex, drinking and hooliganism occurs between the hours of 3 and 6 P.M.
- George Lopez: Hooliganism? How old is this report?
- Angie Lopez: [later, after catching Carmen with Benny's cigarettes] When did you take those?
- Carmen Lopez: I don't know... sometime after 3, and before 6.
- George Lopez: People made fun of me all the time. This group of kids used to call me Spuds, I had brown skin, short dark hair and my head was kind of lumpy, guess I kind of looked like a potato, but that didn't give them a right to hold me down and butter me.
- Carmen Lopez: Maybe if someone held Mom down and buttered her, she wouldn't have made me join the pep squad. I bet nobody ever made fun of her, she's so perfect. I'm nothing like her.
- George Lopez: I know, you're like me. Sorry.
- Angie Lopez: George, we need to talk.
- George Lopez: About what?
- Angie Lopez: It's been two weeks!
- George Lopez: Angie, I work all day, I'm tired at night, I can't just turn it on.
- Angie Lopez: Not that, I mean Carmen, all she's done for 2 weeks is sit up in her room.
- Angie Lopez: When I was in high school, I had a ton of activities and a ton of friends.
- George Lopez: Yes you did, Miss Homecoming Queen, Head Cheerleader, Yearbook Editor, and where'd it get you? You married the guy with no friends. Face it, Angie, you peaked.
- George Lopez: This is my favorite holiday, Mexicans take Halloween up a whole other level, we dress up like skeletons, it's the one day of the year we look thin.
- George Lopez: Can you believe Frank brought his parrot's ashes to work with him in a box?
- Ernie: I know, it's weird, they rattle.
- George Lopez: The beak don't burn, the beak don't burn.