- Angie Lopez: [after George is released from jail] What was it like in there?
- George Lopez: Nobody talked to me, the food sucked, I was afraid to go to sleep... So it was a little better than my childhood.
- George Lopez: [on the phone] Listen, don't freak out and don't tell the kids... but I'm in jail.
- Angie Lopez: YOU'RE IN JAIL?
- Carmen Lopez: Dad's in jail?
- Max Lopez: Wow, he finally killed Grandma.
- [to Carmen]
- Max Lopez: You're next.
- Angie Lopez: I'll be right down and bail you out.
- George Lopez: It's not that easy. They want to extradite me to Arizona, Manny filed charges on me for punching him.
- Angie Lopez: Your own dad had you arrested? Punching him was too good, next time let's split his skull with a pickax and bury him in the desert!
- George Lopez: [lowkey] You know they listen in on these calls.
- [Angie groans]
- Angie Lopez: [on the phone with George who's in jail] What should I do? Who should I call?
- [frantic]
- Angie Lopez: I only get one phone call, right?
- George Lopez: Baby relax, that's *me*.
- Carmen Lopez: This sucks.
- Angie Lopez: Well if you hadn't sneaked down to the factory and heckled the president, you wouldn't be getting punished.
- Carmen Lopez: Yeah, but making me fold Dad's underwear is cruel and unusual.
- [holds up boxers]
- Carmen Lopez: This is cruel... .
- [picks up black skimpy briefs]
- Carmen Lopez: and *this* is unusual.