- Chandler Bing: [on a blind double date with Joey] Okay, now remember: no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
- Rachel Green: Pete the Weeper? Remember? The guy who always used to cry when we had sex?
- [mock crying]
- Rachel Green: "Was it good for you?"
- Monica Geller: Yeah, well, I'll take a little crying any day over Howard the "I Win" guy.
- [imitating Howard]
- Monica Geller: "I win! I win!"
- [normal voice]
- Monica Geller: I went out with the guy for two months; I didn't get to win once.
- Monica Geller: Hey, here's a picture of Scotty Jarrett naked.
- Rachel Green: Oh, let us see!
- [she and Phoebe look at the photo]
- Rachel Green: Hey, he's wearing a sweater.
- Monica Geller: No.
- Rachel Green, Phoebe Buffay: EEWW!
- Phoebe Buffay: [doing boyfriend-cleansing ritual] Now we need the semen of a righteous man.
- Rachel Green: Okay, Phoebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.
- Chandler Bing: [trying to break up] Okay, Janice. Janice. Hey, Janice. Look, there's no way for me to tell you this. At least, there's no *new* way for me to tell you this.
- Chandler Bing: I just don't think things are gonna work out.
- Janice: That's fine.
- Chandler Bing: It is?
- Janice: Mmm-hmm. Because I know that this isn't the end.
- Chandler Bing: Oh no, you see, actually it is.
- Janice: No, it isn't, because you won't let that happen. Don't you know it yet? You love me, Chandler Bing.
- Chandler Bing: [stunned] Oh, no I don't.
- Janice: Well, then ask yourself this. Why do you think we keep ending up together? New Year's? Who invited who? Valentine's? Who asked who into whose bed?
- Chandler Bing: I did, but...
- Janice: You seek me out. Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn.
- [Imitates:]
- Janice: Ja-nice, Ja-nice. You want me. You need me. You can't live without me. And you know it. You just don't KNOW you know it.
- [she kisses him passionately, then leaves]
- Janice: See ya.
- Chandler Bing: [still in a daze] Call me!
- Phoebe Buffay: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She says that if you wanna break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do, like, a cleansing ritual.
- Rachel Green: Phoebs, this woman is voluntarily bald.
- Phoebe Buffay: Yeah.
- [shrugs]
- Phoebe Buffay: We can do it tomorrow night, guys. It's Valentine's Day, it's perfect.
- Monica Geller: Okay, but what kind of ritual?
- Phoebe Buffay: Okay. We can, um... We can burn the stuff they gave us.
- Rachel Green: Or...?
- Phoebe Buffay: Or... Or... we can chant and dance naked. You know, with sticks.
- Monica Geller: Burning's good.
- Rachel Green: Burning's good.
- Lorraine: You know, ever since I was little, I've been able to pick up quarters with my toes.
- Joey Tribbiani: [unimpressed] Yeah? Good for you.
- [then feels her foot slide up very intimately]
- Joey Tribbiani: Uh, quarters or... rolls of quarters?
- Carol: The right woman's just waiting for you.
- Dr. Ross Geller: That's easy for you to say. You found one already.
- Chandler Bing: [dinner date] What a crappy night!
- Janice: I don't know. I have enjoyed the fact that your shirt's been sticking out of your zipper ever since you came back from the bathroom.
- Chandler Bing: Come on, Ross, you gotta get back in the game here, okay? The Rachel thing's not happening, your ex-wife's a lesbian. I don't think we need a third.