Frasier (TV Series)

You Can't Tell a Crook by His Cover (1994)

David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane

Quotes 

• Frasier : Oh Niles, Niles, just sit down and relax, for God's sakes. You're being irrational.

  Niles : Don't you *dare* call me irrational! You know that makes me crazy!

• Niles : Excuse me. Has a young woman been in here this evening approximately five foot nine and three quarters, with skin the colour of Devonshire cream and the sort of eyes that gaze directly into one's soul with neither artifice nor evasion?

• Niles : I'm not without resources. My Tae Kwon Do instructor tells me I'm just two moves away from becoming quite threatening!

• Niles : I'll have a decaf latte, and please be sure to use skim milk.

  Frasier : I'll have the same.

  Eric : Got it.

  [to barista] 

  Eric : Two Gutless Wonders!

  Niles : [to Frasier]  Certainly playing fast and loose with his tips for a man who drives a van.

• Frasier : Niles, just listen to me for a second. You know perfectly well that she'll resent any interference. Now, you want to make a fool of yourself, go right ahead, but don't ask me to join you.

  Niles : That's fine. Just tell me where they went.

  Frasier : Someplace called the, uh, the Topaz Room.

  Eric : The Topaz Room? I thought the cops shut that place down after the last shooting.

  Frasier : I'll drive!

• Frasier : Look at this place. I never felt so conspicuous in my life.

  Niles : You must simply try to blend in. Fortunately, I haven't shaved in several hours. You should loosen your tie.

  Frasier : Yes, and you might try tucking in your watch fob.

  Niles : That happens to be a Phi-Beta-Kappa key.

  Frasier : Oh, then by all means, let it dangle. Perhaps they have a local chapter.

• Niles : Ah, I'll be back, I was just going to put another quarter in the meter.

  Rocco : The meters don't run at night, and neither do you.

  Niles : Ah, that was rather an amusing play on words, you're a regular George S. Kaufman, we must tell our friends about this!