Frasier (TV Series)

Roz's Turn (1997)

Peri Gilpin: Roz Doyle

Quotes 

• Roz : It's not like she worships the devil.

  Frasier : Well, she doesn't have to. He worships her.

• Roz : How could you have done that?

  Frasier : Well, it was just an offhand remark, how did I know how she'd react?

  Roz : She's Bebe! If you had said you liked my eyes, they would have been on your desk tomorrow in a Tiffany box!

• Roz : Let's just go on to my next idea. Daphne? OK, you be the girlfriend of a couple who wants to spice things up in the bedroom. Niles, will you be her boyfriend?

  Niles : [quickly]  Yes.

  Roz : OK.

  [starts tape] 

  Roz : I'm here with Fred and Patty. Tell me, you two, what made you think that your sex life needs a little jump start?

  Daphne : It's all his fault. He just seems to have lost interest in me. I've done everything I can to entice him. I've served dinner wearing nothing but high heels and an apron; I've called him at the office and talked dirty; and last night when he came home I was lying in bed wearing a whipped cream teddy! But did he care? No!

  Roz : And none of this turns you on, Fred?

  Roz : [Niles doesn't answer. He just stares into space, imagining it all. Roz gets impatient]  Fred?

  Niles : [snaps out of it]  That's nothing, you should hear the other things that don't turn me on! Tell me about it, Patty.

• Frasier : My God, you should have heard my first audition tape. I was so inept it was incredible.

  Roz : That's true.

  Frasier : Well... oh, you mean, well, you heard it. Well, all right, so you see...

  Roz : There was a bootleg copy floating around the station for months.

  Frasier : Well, fine, so you get my point then...

  Roz : People still play it at parties.

  Frasier : Well, all right, Roz!

• Martin : So, hey Roz, I hear you're trying out for a new job?

  Roz : Yes, as a matter of fact I am. And you can really help me with my demo.

  Martin : What do I do?

  Roz : I just want an honest answer. I want to talk to you about first dates.

  Martin : OK.

  Niles : [snickering]  Are you sure Dad's the best candidate for this particular subject?

  [Frasier also laughs] 

  Martin : Quick survey: how many Crane men here with a girlfriend?

  [He raises his hand. Frasier and Niles stop laughing] 

  Martin : No, no, keep 'em up while I count!

  Frasier : All right!

• Daphne : I should think having a lady friend would make you exercise more, not less. I don't mean to be indelicate, but a man in your condition who wants to enjoy certain, shall we say, indoor sports, should take steps to make sure that cranky old Mr. Hip doesn't, shall we say, let down the team, if you get my meaning?

  Martin : Don't you worry about me. I may not be the rookie of the year any more but I can still move around the bases!

  [Roz comes in] 

  Roz : Oh, hey, Martin.

  Niles : Oh, look, a scout from the majors.

• Roz : Alright, we're here with Martin and we're talking about first dates. Martin, tell me some of the tricks you use to impress women.

  Martin : Hmm... well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, Roz, but I really don't know any tricks. I mean, if a woman agreed to go out with me, I'd er, well, I'm not there to impress her or to play cool. I'm there because I want to know her; er, what she thinks; er, what she likes, so that if I'm lucky enough to get another date I can plan something that I know she'd like to do. I guess I'm still old-fashioned or something, but I think you should treat a woman like a queen.

  [Roz and Daphne both sigh longingly] 

  Martin : [to Frasier and Niles]  Bow to the master, boys. Bow to the master.