- Daphne: Ooh, I'm glad to be out of that black one. I had to take me undies off just to get the zipper up.
- [Niles drops his glass]
- Bill: How's that turkey platter? As good as last year's?
- Frasier: I'm not sure this isn't last year's!
- Niles: Hello, Frasier
- Frasier: Oh, hello Niles. Merry Christmas. To what do I owe this occasion?
- Niles: Oh, nothing. Just stopped by to get an opinion on a gift I was considering for Maris.
- [Daphne enters from her room, wearing a tight, black cocktail dress]
- Daphne: [to Niles] Well, it pinches a bit under the arms, but you be the judge.
- [does a little twirl; then to Frasier]
- Daphne: Oh, hello, Dr. Crane.
- Frasier: [glaring at Niles] Daphne.
- Daphne: [to Niles] Shall I put the little red one back on so you can make your choice?
- Frasier: I think Niles has all the information he needs, thank you.
- Daphne: Fair enought
- [Daphne goes back to her room. Frasier glares at Niles]
- Niles: You know, Maris and Daphne are roughly the same size.
- Frasier: Give or take a foot.
- Daphne: I promised my Uncle Jackie I'd fly down to San Francisco to be with him.
- Martin: Well, I guess you should be with your family at this time of year, it's more traditional.
- Daphne: Except that Jackie's a transvestite. Getting a bit long in the tooth for it too, if you ask me. Last Thanksgiving he ate too much turkey and I had to cut him out of his pantyhose.
- Frasier: Roz, would you mind telling me why everyone breaks into hysterics whenever I say that I'm driving Bonnie Weems home?
- Roz Doyle: Ha ha ha ha ha ha
- Frasier: Oh, what is that?
- Roz Doyle: Well, Bonnie Weems is kind of an office legend. She gets a couple of drinks under her belt and she gets a little amorous and she will not take no for an answer.
- [Martin and Frasier are arguing over the Christmas decorations. Frasier wants to decorate the Christmas tree using lights shaped like chili peppers]
- Martin: Oh, I give up. Go ahead, decorate the thing. Use your chili peppers!
- Frasier: All right, I won't anymore!
- Martin: Use 'em! Why don't... maybe we could hang a few radishes, put a nice broccoli on top!
- [after filling in for Bulldog on Christmas Day]
- Frasier: Well, we're just about out of time. My, my, this day has flown by. I'd like to wish all of you revelers out there a Merry Christmas, and for the rest of you, why don't you go out and treat yourself to something special? Personally, I'm going to go get myself a meal at one of Seattle's fine eateries. I don't know where, but I promise you one thing: it'll have a liquor license.
- [pause]
- Frasier: Just kidding. Don't drink and drive. This is Dr. Frasier Crane, KACL 780, Talk Radio.
- Bonnie Weems: I'm Bonnie Weems.
- Frasier: Well hello. Its a pleasure to meet you. I'll be driving you home tonight.
- Bonnie Weems: I'm sorry to put you out.
- Frasier: Oh, its no problem at all. I'll tell you what, you just go enjoy the party. You let me know when you're ready to go.
- Bonnie Weems: [Bonnie downs her drink and slams the empty cup on the desk] I'm ready now, Baby.
- [picks Frasier up and carries him out]