- [Bebe tells him she's found a prime offer with another station]
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, it's very tempting, Bebe, but I'm very happy here in Seattle. I don't want to leave.
- Bebe Glazer: Darling, it's San Francisco! Do you know what life is like there for a good-looking straight man? You'll be like a Snickers bar at a fat camp!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [playing Scrabble] Because it's not a word.
- Charlotte: Yes, it is.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: No, it's not.
- Charlotte: Yes, it is.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Use it in a sentence.
- Charlotte: "Her grandmother's bed was warm and... quilty."
- Dr. Frasier Crane: And why is she lying there? Because she's feeling all "befevered" again?
- Charlotte: [smiling sweetly] Could I borrow your "F"? I've got a little message for you.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: [regarding Daphne's mumbling brother, Stephen] Do you have any idea what he's saying?
- Dr. Niles Crane: Not a word. Apparently Stephen was dropped as a child.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Well, I thought the mumbler was Michael.
- Dr. Niles Crane: He was dropped on Michael. The idea that our son might take after them is making me crazy!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Now Niles, just remember, those hearty Crane genes are in there, too.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Oh, please. Those Moon genes have probably beaten our genes up and stolen their lunch money!
- Martin Crane: Ronee, the boys said they can throw a fancy wedding together by May 15.
- Ronee Lawrence: That's in 8 days.
- Dr. Niles Crane: Well it only took us 4 days to throw together our seafood-themed Friends of the Marina Bouillabash.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: All right, that's it! I want you all out of here! And I do not mean a leisurely exit, I mean a break-neck, trampling-each-other, this-theatre's-on-fire stampede!
- Dr. Niles Crane: Frasier...!
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Niles...!
- Dr. Frasier Crane, Dr. Niles Crane: Disaster!
- Bebe Glazer: Did you ever hear of Mark Reisman?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: The San Francisco radio psychiatrist? Yes, we had a nice encounter once at a conference.
- Bebe Glazer: Well last week he had a not-so-nice encounter with a falling air conditioner. Anyway, they want you to replace him and the money's huge.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: What a ghastly way to die.
- Bebe Glazer: Yes, I cried so hard it was all I could do to stuff your demo tape in the FedEx pouch.
- Bebe Glazer: Do you have any idea the lengths I went to to make this happen?
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Wait a minute. You were in San Francisco last week. Don't tell me...
- Dr. Frasier Crane: I was nowhere near that air conditioner.