Frasier (TV Series)
A Mid-Winter Night's Dream (1994)
David Hyde Pierce: Dr. Niles Crane
Photos
Quotes
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Niles : There I was lying in wait, with my little plastic knife clenched between my teeth, when the closet door was flung open and I found myself face to face with the upstairs maid. She began screaming what I gather were some very unflattering things in idiomatic Guatemalan, when Maris stumbled upon the scene and completely misconstrued it. The next thing I knew she ordered me out of the house! I barely had time to grab my pantaloons and buckle my swash.
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Niles : The truth is, Maris and I are in a bit of a rut. We seem to have lapsed into this grey, numbing blandness.
Frasier : Well, that's perfectly normal in a relationship of some years. Maybe you should try spicing things up a bit?
Niles : You mean, boudoir wise?
Frasier : For starters, yeah.
Niles : Like how?
Frasier : Well, the two of you could... well, you could... well, it's you and Maris, so you could... I'm stumped.
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[Niles shows up at Frasier's house wearing a pirate costume, saying that Maris has kicked him out]
Niles : There's a perfectly reasonably explanation for the way I'm dressed.
Frasier : All right, just keep in mind that I reserve the right to say "stop" at any time.
Niles : Well, my plan was to leave a treasure map downstairs for Maris with clues that would lead her to my whereabouts. Then I'd hide in the linen closet and wait for her to find me.
Martin : Dressed like that?
Niles : Actually no, at the time I was wearing only my eye-patch. Although, technically is it still an eye-patch if you're wearing it on your-?
Frasier : STOP!
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[Niles's romantic plans went awry when the maid discovered him waiting in the linen closet, nude]
Niles : I'll never be able to face the maid again.
Martin : I don't think it's your face she'll remember.
[he laughs, Niles glares]
Martin : Oh come on, Niles, everybody has an embarrassing story to tell. Did I ever tell you about the time I got locked outside in the backyard in my underwear?
Niles : Only every Thanksgiving.
Martin : Well, don't worry, I won't be telling that story this year!
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Niles : Love is a funny thing, isn't it? Sometimes it's exciting and passionate. Sometimes it's something else. Something... comfortable and familiar. That newly-exfoliated little face staring up at you across the breakfast table... sharing a laugh together when you see someone wearing white after Labor Day.
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Niles : I'm just not someone who cries, it's not in my nature. When Maris' uncle Lyle died, I had to shut my hand in the car door just to make a decent showing at the funeral.
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Niles : How could she like him? The man has "community college" written all over him!
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Daphne : I don't know why I'm being so silly. We weren't together long enough for anything to really happen.
Niles : Sometimes the strongest feelings come from the promise of what might happen. Just the anticipation is just enough to make all the little hairs on your neck stand on end.
[smooths down the hairs on the back of his neck]
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Daphne Moon : [seeing an ornate clock on a side table] Look at this, it's beautiful!
Dr. Niles Crane : It's a Glockenspiel. We bought it on our honeymoon in Zürich. I brought it down from the attic to remind Maris of better times. It used to play beautiful music, and now it doesn't. How's that for irony?