- Carlotta Beck: I don't like it. First he has breakfast with your mother, now they've been out in the garden for hours. What could they be talking about?
- Marshall Beck: Probably just old people conversation. Like the latest news in dentures, stuff like that.
- Carlotta Beck: This is a terrible mistake, she is not all right in the head.
- Winona 'Mother B' Beck: Well, let him be the judge. This is my ex-husband's second wife's fiance, and I stole him. Do you think I'm crazy?
- Bootsie Weschester: You must tell us how you got engaged to Kathleen so quickly.
- Kathleen Beck: Oh, that's a boring story! I don't think we want to hear that.
- Hugh McPheeters: No, no, I'll tell you. Kathleen was standing in front of my wife's jewelry box. I said, "What are you doing with Ethyl's ring?" She said, "Trying it on."
- Bootsie Weschester: Go on.
- Hugh McPheeters: That's it.
- Winona 'Mother B' Beck: Who said young is better, anyhow? Personally, I think young folks are a bore! They bore me to tears. They're so ill-mannered, and they're so sloppy-dressing, and they bastardize the English language.
- Kathleen Beck: That little crazy person couldn't steal anybody! And especially not from someone as young, beautiful, and sexually appealing as me.
- Marshall Beck: You may be overestimating your physical charm just a tad.
- Carlotta Beck: That's right. If those thighs get any bigger, you could apply for statehood!
- Kathleen Beck: If I thought I couldn't make you happy, I'd probably just march right up to the roof and fling myself off!
- Hugh McPheeters: How many floors do you have here?