- Mrs. Doyle: [hesitantly, while watching football and reading from the book "Understanding football for women"] Go on... my son.
- Mrs. Doyle: Football, football, football, football, football, football, football, football, football... what you men see in it, I don't know.
- [scoffs]
- Mrs. Doyle: A load of men kicking a bit of leather around a field...
- [laughs]
- Mrs. Doyle: You men, the things you think are "great fun". Like going to the films, a load of men sitting around looking at films! And rollercoasters, a load of men in a rollercoaster going up and down on a big metal track! And sailing, a load of men in a big boat floating around in the sea! And shouting, a load of men going around shouting! And so forth.
- Father Dougal McGuire: [Dougal putting Mrs Doyle right about football] There's nothing stupid about football! And there's nothing at all stupid about the Annual All-Priests Five-a-Side over 75s Indoor Football Challenge Match against Rugged Island.
- Father Ted Crilly: More bad news, Dougal. I've just been speaking to Father Ned Fitzmorris. He tripped on a paving stone and one of his kneecaps fell off. There's no way around it... I'm going to have to put him in goal.
- Father Ted Crilly: Anyway Dougal, you were saying about the school reunion?
- Father Dougal McGuire: Well, I didn't recognise any of them and do you know what Ted, they'd all become firemen. I was the only there who wasn't a fireman. Can you believe that?
- Father Ted Crilly: Eh, Dougal, you didn't go to a fire station or something by mistake?
- Father Dougal McGuire: Ah.
- Father Dougal McGuire: Didn't you tell me once that Jack had a trial with Liverpool?
- Father Ted Crilly: No, he was on trial "in" Liverpool.
- Father Dougal McGuire: Oh yeah.