- Steve Urkel: My "play-ground pass"? How much will that cost me?
- Baby Girl: We'll take all you've got.
- Steve Urkel: But, that's all I've got!
- 3J: [Steve gives 3J a basketball card to prove he can read] Easy, Michael Jordan, number 23, on the Bulls, average points, 37.
- Steve Urkel: [turns the card over] Okay, now read the company that makes the card.
- 3J: Up... up... up...
- Steve Urkel: Up-per-deck.
- 3J: [pause, defeatedly] I can't read.
- Steve Urkel: I know, you memorized those stats. 3J, how did you get to the 4th grade without being able to read?
- 3J: It's called faking it.
- Steve Urkel: Well how did you know what the menu says at Mickey D's? Or the instructions for a video game? How did you even know what a street sign meant?
- 3J: I ask somebody. I get by.
- Steve Urkel: 3J, a kid as smart as you shouldn't *have* to settle for just getting by.