- Leroy Johnson: I get more enthusiasm from my 82 year old grandmother and she's been dead for two years.
- Bruno Martelli: [tries to help Doris with her diet] Look back and you'll turn into a pillar of salt.
- Doris Schwartz: [turns around] As long as I have the salt, can I have the pretzels to go with it?
- Doris Schwartz: [Doris is on a diet] You may have noticed that I have not asked you for a single potato chip all day long.
- Bruno Martelli: Good for you.
- Doris Schwartz: Is it okay if I lick out the inside of the bag when you're done?
- [a beat]
- Doris Schwartz: Joke.
- Bruno Martelli: Lie.
- Doris Schwartz: True.