- Ray Barone: Hey.
- Debra Barone: Hey.
- Ray Barone: You know, I almost died today.
- Debra Barone: Really?
- Ray Barone: That's what you say when I tell you I almost died?
- Debra Barone: What am I supposed to say?
- Ray Barone: "Oh my God, Ray! Are you all right?"
- Debra Barone: What happened?
- Ray Barone: I'm in the press box, I'm watching the game...
- Debra Barone: Yeah.
- Ray Barone: ...and I'm eating a soft pretzel. But these pretzels they have, they're not moist. They're bigger than the other ones, but they're very dry. Anyway, the salt doesn't stick to them, it falls everywhere.
- Debra Barone: Oh my God, are you okay?
- Ray Barone: You gonna mock? You just gonna mock?
- Debra Barone: All right, I'm sorry. So the salt didn't stay on your pretzel.
- Ray Barone: Yes! All right, so I'm... I'm bending to wipe the salt off my shirt, and bam, a foul ball comes flying into the booth. It came this close to hitting me!
- Debra Barone: Yeah?
- Ray Barone: Yeah! I felt its wind! And then I turn and Andy, who just got a turkey and cheese sandwich, and the ball knocks it off his tray. The soda, pickles, chips, chocolate cake, everything!
- Debra Barone: You get chocolate cake in the press box?
- Ray Barone: It was Friday. We get a different cake every Friday. But you're missing the point.
- Debra Barone: I'm getting the point. A ball bounced into your world and disturbed paradise!
- Robert Barone: Ma wanted me to tell you she's making frittatas
- Debra Barone: Robert, you have a will, right?
- Robert Barone: Why? What did you hear? Is that why Ma's making frittatas?
- Debra Barone: Ray and I were talking about wills, and he doesn't want to make one.
- Robert Barone: Oh, why not?
- Debra Barone: He thinks it's gonna tempt fate.
- Robert Barone: No no no, silly. If you don't have a will you're tempting fate. "I don't need a will. I'm gonna live forever." Manhole!
- Ray Barone: I don't know.
- Robert Barone: Raymond, listen to me. You need to have a will and eat a fibrous breakfast every morning and nothing can touch you.
- Ray Barone: Maybe you're right.
- Debra Barone: Oh, that's what convinces you? I've been talking to you about this for six years!
- Ray Barone: You didn't fall in a manhole! He knows how to get through to me.
- Debra Barone: See if you can get him to floss.
- Robert Barone: Whatever you need.
- Ray Barone: We should put something in there that if I die you can't marry another man named Ray.
- David Atkins: Excuse me?
- Ray Barone: Well 'cause eventually everyone would call him Ray and me "Dead Ray."
- Marie Barone: You know, actually, this could be a good lesson for me. To learn to be content with what is and not hope for what could be.
- Debra Barone: So what could be is us dying and you raising our children?
- Marie Barone: Well, not anymore.
- Robert Barone: Let's say you are driving your seven year old to school and she keeps turning the radio louder and louder. What do you do?
- Linda Gruenfelder: Ignore it?
- Robert Barone: Excuse me?
- Linda Gruenfelder: Well you let her turn it up and she'll discover how unpleasent that is and she'll just turn it off by herself.
- Robert Barone: A most excellent answer. If you can explain what a seven year old is doing in the front seat to begin with!
- Marie Barone: I saw a pudding skin in the sink.
- Marie Barone: Oh, Frank. Have you heard, Frank? Apparently, you and I are not fit parents.
- Frank Barone: I still want pudding.
- Robert Barone: Hey.
- Robert Barone: You're not up to their standards either.
- Robert Barone: I know. What are we talking about?
- Debra Barone: I do not want a will. It's bad luck.
- Ray Barone: You've been putting this off for years. And I would think you'd want to be prepared, especially after your near-death experience.
- Ray Barone: Near-death, I was going for pity sex.
- Ray Barone: Insurance is too dull to be scary. By the way, how much do you get if I die?
- Debra Barone: $800,000.
- Ray Barone: That was a little fast. Right? Yeah. Your social security number, you got to look that up, but that number, oh yeah. Right there, right on the tip of your tongue.