- Officer Bill Gannon: [to Smith, who is posing as a dry cleaner] You know the people who do live here?
- Charles Augustus William Smith: Certainly. I pick up their laundry, don't I?
- Officer Bill Gannon: Do you?
- Charles Augustus William Smith: No. I went in there to make love to the upstairs maid.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: This is the city, Los Angeles, California. It's a productive city of industrious people who work hard, play hard, and live easy. It's the hope of easy living that attracts most people to Los Angeles.
- Officer Bill Gannon: Looks kinda old doesn't he?
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Yeah, a little.
- Officer Bill Gannon: A little? Looks old enough to be MY grandfather?
- Captain Mack: The old boy spent more time in the joint than most lifers.
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Well, maybe now he'll talk to us. Let's get him back up here, Bill.
- Officer Bill Gannon: Right now? How about a little breather?
- Sergeant Joe Friday: Why? Do you think he needs a rest?
- Officer Bill Gannon: I do!
- [pointing to himself]