Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist (TV Series)

Studio Guy (1997)

Bobcat Goldthwait: Bob

Quotes 

• Laura the Receptionist : Your bill is past due. Could you pay today?

  Bob : Uh... lookit, I don't have a problem with paying, and I like the idea of paying. Um, and you're looking at me saying I don't have any money.

  [Laura sighs] 

  Bob : I don't think you're qualified to judge me, though. I, uh, I have a lot of money.

  Laura the Receptionist : Mm-hmm.

  Bob : Just not on me.

  Laura the Receptionist : Okay.

  Bob : And, uh, they don't let me having a checking account anymore. Y'know, you make ONE mistake. You go out and you buy 30, 40,000 Chia Pets on an impulse, suddenly, "Oh, Bob can't have an account. Bob can't be trusted with credit cards." We just had kittens.

  Laura the Receptionist : Hmm.

  Bob : Y'know, nothing, nothing could help settle up a payment faster than a delicious kitten.

  Laura the Receptionist : That's disgusting.

  Bob : I didn't mean eat it, I'm just talkin' about, like, licking it.

  Laura the Receptionist : Aw, shut up.

• Bob : Laura?

  Laura the Receptionist : What?

  Bob : Uh, do you have a key to the men's room?

  Laura the Receptionist : No.

  Bob : Oh.

  [pause] 

  Bob : Laura?

  Laura the Receptionist : What?

  Bob : Does Dr. Katz have a key to the men's room?

  Laura the Receptionist : No.

  Bob : [goes to the corner and urinates]  Ohhh...

  Laura the Receptionist : What are you DOING, you animal? Why don't you use the bathroom like everyone else?

  Bob : Because I didn't know how to get the key.

  Laura the Receptionist : You don't NEED a key!

  Bob : Oh, now I remember.

  [pause] 

  Bob : Oh yes, doctor. I'm coming. Didn't you hear him? He said, "Next patient." Did you hear him? I'm coming, Dr. Katz. Well, we should continue our little conversation at some other time. Perhaps over a nice, delicious beverage.