- B.P. Richfield: Well, it's only fair that all sides of this issue are fully explored. Please take up to a minute.
- Sexual Harris: How about we go out for a few brews, and then later I'll jump on your scales and you can guess my weight, if you know what I mean.
- Monica Devertebrae: No.
- Sexual Harris: What do you mean no?
- Monica Devertebrae: I mean no! I'm not interested! I find the things you talk about personally offensive, and I hope this won't interfere with my ability to work here.
- [cuts to Fran]
- Monica Devertebrae: And that's when he fired me.
- Fran Sinclair: Sometimes I think males are the lowest form of life.
- Charlene Sinclair: Thanks a lot, Mom! I took your advice and made that solar system, and you know I really enjoyed doing it, I really felt good about myself, I thought my life was changing, and then the boys in my class ate it!
- Fran Sinclair: [gasps] Charlene, I'm sure the teacher appreciated your effort.
- Charlene Sinclair: They ate it before he saw it! Oh, it was a real solar system with planets and the sun... and the boys said I'm a female and I shouldn't stick my nose in the universe where it doesn't belong.
- Mr. Harold Heffer: [after accusing Monica of being a prostitute] Everyone hear the word 'prostitute'?
- Grandma Ethyl Phillips: [watching the TV] I can't believe they used that kind of language on television! Don't they know that kids are watching?
- Fran Sinclair: Mother, this is an important real life event, it'll make the kids think.
- Grandma Ethyl Phillips: I don't want the kids to think. I want the kids to watch safe little situation comedies with time tested, repetitive storylines.
- Mr. Teddy Wolfe: You're obviously a very attractive female, could you please describe for us what you were wearing at the time of the incident? Was it seductive or revealing?
- Monica Devertebrae: It was a hard hat, and a work shirt. And I don't appreciate the insinuation that I somehow ASKED for this kind of behavior.
- Mr. Teddy Wolfe: I'm insinuating no such thing. Now, could you please describe for us in detail what kind of underwear you have on at the moment?
- Monica Devertebrae: I don't understand HOW that's RELEVANT.
- Mr. Teddy Wolfe: Well if you understood the relevancy of it, you'd be a male!
- [courtroom bursts out laughing]
- Fran Sinclair: Earl, what happened to Monica was completely unfair, there must be some way she could get her job back.
- Earl Sinclair: No, there is not.
- Fran Sinclair: Oh come on, Earl, there must be something she could do.
- Earl Sinclair: Oh no no, there's nothing, and even if there was, there wouldn't be.
- Fran Sinclair: Oh, you thought I was asking about Monica, no! It's for my cousin, Monty, who works for WeSaySo, the... southern branch.
- Earl Sinclair: Oh well why didn't you tell me that? Just tell Monty that if he was unjustly fired, he can request a hearing from the corporate board of grievances.
- B.P. Richfield: Before we begin, I want to make it clear that nobody is on trial here today.
- Mr. Teddy Wolfe: Objection!
- B.P. Richfield: Sustained. Okay, only the *female* is on trial.
- B.P. Richfield: I was just complimenting you on your handbag.
- Monica Devertebrae: I don't have a handbag. I don't have hands!
- Mr. Harold Heffer: I have proof that for the past ten years, you have in fact been a *prostitute*!
- Monica Devertebrae: I HAVE NOT!
- Mr. Harold Heffer: [calm] My mistake, please continue.
- [pause]
- Mr. Harold Heffer: Everyone hear the word "prostitute"?
- Monica Devertebrae: You know, as long as we allow ourselves to be intimidated by males, we females will never get a fair shake in society.
- Charlene Sinclair: Oh yeah, like I'm gonna change the world.
- Monica Devertebrae: Well we may not be able to change the whole world, Charlene, but we have to start somewhere.
- Charlene Sinclair: Males are never going to give us great jobs like astronomer or tree pusher, we're going to have to take them. How long can they hold us back?
- [they look at Charlene's model of a solar system with a flat world]
- Baby Sinclair: [sees a leg buffer on TV for silky smooth legs] I want that!
- Fran Sinclair: No you don't!
- Baby Sinclair: Want silky smooth legs!
- Fran Sinclair: You don't want smooth legs, you're a boy.
- Baby Sinclair: Oh... then I want a machine gun!
- Charlene Sinclair: I don't see why Monica's putting herself through this, couldn't she just find another job?
- Robbie Sinclair: You're missing the whole point: Monica's fighting against injustice, struggling for the rights of females everywhere.
- Earl Sinclair: Yeah? Write a song about it.