- TV Announcer: Why are you stuck in a boring dead end job?
- Earl Sinclair: I don't know.
- TV Announcer: Why does your boss always yell at you?
- Earl Sinclair: Can't figure it out.
- TV Announcer: Why is your life such a complete mess?
- Earl Sinclair: Will you stop picking on me?
- TV Announcer: Why ask why? DRINK ALCOHOL! Nobody likes a thinker! You might not be able to change your life, but at least you can change the way you look at it. Alcohol! The more you drink, the less you think!
- Grandma Ethyl Phillips: [after hearing Earl describe the job of a tree-pusher]
- [sarcastically]
- Grandma Ethyl Phillips: Wow, that certainly sounds appealing. Where do I sign up?
- Earl Sinclair: Ha ha ha, well you can't. They don't hire bitter, shrivelled-up old ladies.
- Grandma Ethyl Phillips: Right, they usually only take big, fat slobs.
- Earl Sinclair: She'll be dead soon, son.
- Fran Sinclair: Alcohol's not the answer, it only just makes things worse. You just need to overcome your senses, and I made you your favorite dish: food.
- [Fran brings it to Earl]
- Earl Sinclair: [pushes it away, solemnly] Oh, Frannie, I can't eat, I can't go to work. There's no point. My life's a sham.
- Fran Sinclair: [furiously] Earl Sneed Sinclair!
- [Fran smashes the bowl of food on the floor which scares Earl]
- Fran Sinclair: Sometimes you make me so MAD!
- Earl Sinclair: Okay, okay, I'll eat. But do you have a dress to go with this hat?
- Fran Sinclair: You have a wonderful life and a wonderful family, but if you can't see that for yourself, you can just stay in bed forever!
- [Fran leaves]
- Fran Sinclair: [to herself] I bring him his lunch, but no!