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The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
Your Home Sweet Home Is My Home (1965)
Mary Tyler Moore: Laura Petrie
Quotes
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Rob Petrie : I don't want a rock in my basement.
Laura Petrie : Why? It's not doing anything.
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Rob Petrie : Remember how long it took us to find THIS house.
Laura Petrie : One day.
Rob Petrie : Oh. Well, see? One day we'll find another one.
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Rob Petrie : Tomorrow we will find the house we want or I will have the baby for you.
Laura Petrie : I'll hold you to that.
Rob Petrie : I'll find a house.
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Laura Petrie : How could you talk us out of something we didn't want?
Jerry Helper : Well, to make you fell better. If you wanted it, we wouldn't have talked you out of it. I mean, we don't go around talking people out of things they want.
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Laura Petrie : Oh... oh, Rob, ask him if it has a service porch.
Rob Petrie : [on the phone] Uh, does it have a service porch?
Millie Helper : Are the colors the same?
Rob Petrie : [into the phone] Are, uh... are the, uh, colors the same?
Rob Petrie : [to Laura and Millie] Uh, yes and no.
Laura Petrie : Uh, yes to who?
Rob Petrie : Yes to you?
Millie Helper : What to me?
Rob Petrie : No.
Millie Helper : I forgot what I asked.
Jerry Helper : The colors.
Millie Helper : Oh, yeah. Are the colors the same?
Jerry Helper : No!
Millie Helper : How do YOU know?
Jerry Helper : He just told ya.
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Laura Petrie : Oh, ask him how many closets in the master bedroom.
Jerry Helper : Yeah, and any storage closets in the basement.
Rob Petrie : [on the phone] Okay. How many closets in the master? Are there any storage closets in the basement?
Millie Helper : How many baths?
Rob Petrie : Uh, none?
Millie Helper : No baths?
Rob Petrie : [to Millie] No storage closet. I didn't ask him yours yet.
[back into the phone]
Rob Petrie : How many bathrooms? Uh, okay.
[to the group]
Rob Petrie : One walk-in...
Millie Helper : What is THAT?
Rob Petrie : Closets in the bedroom. Let's wait your turn.
Jerry Helper : Yeah, with one bathroom, you have to.
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Rob Petrie : Look, no matter what he said, we want both of those houses, right? If there was no fireplace, no trees, and then there was... surrounded by a pig farm.
Millie Helper , Laura Petrie : Right.
Jerry Helper : [simultaneously] Right, Rob.
Rob Petrie : Let's close the deal.
Millie Helper : I don't know about the pig farm.
Jerry Helper : There's no pig farm.
Millie Helper : Well he just said...
Rob Petrie : No, the pigs are a symbol of our friendship.
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Laura Petrie : [Trying to convince Rob to overlook the rock] It might be fun to decorate; I could put some plants on it...
Rob Petrie : Just wait, it may grow its own!