- Rob Petrie: [explaining his black eye] Well, you know that iron jockey out on Jerry's lawn?
- Laura Petrie: He punched you.
- Rob Petrie: Right.
- Sally Rogers: Why'd the police call?
- Rob Petrie: Well, I think they called because I knocked over a couple of garbage cans.
- Buddy Sorrell: Should have knocked over a bank. There's no money in garbage.
- Bartender: Look I can tell you right now, Rob never laid a hand on Mrs. Fieldhouse. He wasn't one of them.
- Rob Petrie: Was there more than one?
- Bartender: Oh sure, Rob. Everybody was trying to get a shot at her.
- Millie Helper: We heard the noise, and Jerry looked out and saw it was Rob and says he's probably drunk.
- Laura Petrie: Millie. Really.
- Millie Helper: Well, you're both too perfect. Jerry says sooner or later you're gonna crack.
- Millie Helper: He coulda gotten amnesia and committed some despicable crime he can't even remember.
- Laura Petrie: Gee, Millie, you're such a comfort at times like this.
- Millie Helper: Aw, listen, what're friends for?
- Sally Rogers: They said that you hit an old lady? Oh, come on. That's ridiculous!
- Rob Petrie: Well, boy, someone who drives a car with my license number did.
- Buddy Sorrell: Hey, you drive one of those.
- Buddy Sorrell: [about the police] Those guys don't chat with you, boy, they grill ya, and when they get through grilling, you're cooked.
- Norton: Now, where'd you get the black eye?
- Rob Petrie: You're... you're gonna laugh.
- Cox: You wanna bet?