- Laura Petrie: You know what I think he's looking for?
- Rob Petrie: What's that?
- Laura Petrie: A wife.
- Rob Petrie: Yeah? Whose?
- Arthur Stanwyck: Did I say something to shock you?
- Laura Petrie: Uh, no, why?
- Arthur Stanwyck: Uh... you're... wiping the tray with the cake.
- Rob Petrie: [laughing nervously] It's a... sponge cake.
- Arthur Stanwyck: There's nothing I like better than a good comedy.
- Laura Petrie: [worried] More than foreign films and rocks?
- Arthur Stanwyck: Oh, I have a wide variety of interests.
- Sally Rogers: Hey, you like rocks?
- Arthur Stanwyck: I love 'em.
- Sally Rogers: Oh, me too - emeralds, sapphires, rubies...
- Sally Rogers: [imitating Jimmy Durante] Boy, them's my kinda rocks!
- Arthur Stanwyck: Oh, look, y-you're talking to a poor lawyer, not a rich jeweler.
- Sally Rogers: [still imitating Durante] Oh, I wasn't suggestin' that you buy them for me, counselor. I'm gonna buy 'em for you!
- Arthur Stanwyck: [imitating Jimmy Durante] You're my kinda woman, Mrs. Calabash.
- Laura Petrie: Well, listen, would you like to stay for dinner?
- Arthur Stanwyck: Well, thanks, but I have a house full of dust to rearrange.
- Sally Rogers: Ooo, suburbs. Yeah, I'd like to look out my window and see a little green.
- Buddy Sorrell: Why don't you get an apartment in front of a stoplight?
- Laura Petrie: Will you please remember that this is not a contest? So I hope you're not gonna do anything that would ruin Donna's chances of winning it.
- Donna Palmer: Can you see with my glasses?
- Arthur Stanwyck: Perfectly.
- Laura Petrie: [fawning] Isn't that marvelous? They both have the same prescription.
- Rob Petrie: Arthur, would you like a... glass of, uh, wine?
- Arthur Stanwyck: Thank you. Thank you, Rob. I'd love one.
- Rob Petrie: How 'bout you, Donna?
- Donna Palmer: Oh, me too.
- Rob Petrie: Okay.
- Laura Petrie: [fawning] Ohh, well...
- Rob Petrie: Oh, well what?
- Laura Petrie: [fawning] They both love wine. Isn't that COMPATIBLE?
- Donna Palmer: You... you like foreign films?
- Arthur Stanwyck: I love 'em.
- Donna Palmer: Don't you just hate subtitles?
- Arthur Stanwyck: Oh, I despise 'em. They... they make me nauseous.
- Donna Palmer: Oh, me too.
- Rob Petrie: [mocking Laura's fawning] Aw, they both get nauseous.
- Rob Petrie: D'you ever hear of anybody fallin' in love on second sight?
- Laura Petrie: Oh, now that's just ridiculous.
- Rob Petrie: Did you ever hear of anybody say "second come, first served?"