The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

My Blonde-Haired Brunette (1961)

Mary Tyler Moore: Laura Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Millie Helper : I'll have to call the drug store.

  Laura Petrie : Well, how long will it take?

  Millie Helper : Until I finish dialing.

• Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [cheerfully]  Hello, honey. How's my old lady?

  Laura Petrie : [offended]  What did you say?

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : How's my old lady?

  Laura Petrie : Well, I don't know. I haven't spoken to your mother lately, but I'M fine.

• [Laura, with Millie's help, had dyed her hair blonde and talks to Rob on the phone] 

  Laura Petrie : Well, honey, what if I were a blonde? Would I be as attractive to you if I were a blonde?

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : No, I can't picture you as a blonde. No, wait a minute! Yes, I can! You know who you'd look like?

  Laura Petrie : Who?

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Harpo Marx!

  Laura Petrie : [to Millie]  He said I'd look like Harpo Marx!

  [Check herself out in a mirror] 

  Laura Petrie : [horrified]  And I do!

• [Laura tries to awaken Rob with a kiss but he brushes her aside] 

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [mostly still asleep]  Don't do that!

  Laura Petrie : [to herself]  "Don't do that?" He used to love me to do that. Hm! My Prince Charming! - promised to slay dragons for me - won't even get up to have breakfast with me on his day off. Well, I guess it's natural for a husband to behave this way after so many years of marriage, but I still feel like eating breakfast with HIM.

• Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [looking at a glass of orange juice]  Honey, there's pits and seeds and orange flesh in this orange juice. You know how meticulous I am about my orange juice.

  Laura Petrie : [seeing Rob wearing a tattered sweater]  Not too meticulous about the way you dress, are you? My, don't you look dashing.

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Well, thank you, my dear.

• Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [pointing at Laura's half-blonde hair]  You're bleaching your hair blonde!

  Millie Helper : We're not bleaching her hair blonde!

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I suppose it's turning by itself?

  Laura Petrie : [on the verge of tears]  We're dying it back to its natural colors.

  Millie Helper : Laura's been a blonde all afternoon.

  Laura Petrie : ALL afternoon!

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Honey, why?

  Laura Petrie : [close to sobbing]  Why? Well, yesterday morning, and I kissed you... and you said, "Don't do that!"... And you came down to breakfast in your yucky shirt... And the orange juice and the flesh and the pits and seeds... And the gray hair... And the Harpo Marx... And the general yuckiness...

  [breaks down sobbing as she buries herself in Rob's arms, who hugs back] 

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Aw, I'm sorry. I understand, honey. I understand.

  Millie Helper : You do?

  [Rob nods] 

  Millie Helper : Um... I think I'll come back after dinner and finish the job. Bye!

• Laura Petrie : He doesn't look at me the same way either.

  Millie Helper : Well why should he? He's got you memorized.