The Critic (TV Series)

Dial 'M' for Mother (1994)

Charles Napier: Duke Phillips

Quotes 

• Doris : What could you do with me in five days?

  Duke Phillips : Honey, I could make you Mrs. Ernest Borgnine.

  Doris : Pass!

• Duke Phillips : I'm giving you five days of my time to turn you around.

  Jay Sherman : Well, what if five days isn't enough?

  Duke Phillips : Son, I only spent three days with a young man named Bill Clinton, and look at him now!

  Jay Sherman : Maybe you should've taken four.

  Duke Phillips : Yeah...

• Duke Phillips : Jay, we need something to take the edge off of you. Hmm. How 'bout a sassy black kid? He can call you "Uncle J," and you can call him, eh, "Little Shabazz."

• Duke Phillips : I think you're a fat toilet I'm flushing my money down... sort of a Johnny Cash. Hey man, that's witty. Send it to Readers Digest.