- [Jay dreams he's in Jurassic Park]
- Jay Sherman: Help, help! Or at least put me in a better Spielberg movie!
- Jay Sherman: Hello, and welcome to "Coming Attractions." Tonight we'll be reviewing "Barney the Dinosaur: The Motion Picture." Just look who got $10 million to play Barney!
- Marlon Brando: This is so humiliating. You know I had to lose 100 pounds to play a dinosaur? Can't even see through the eyeholes on this thing.
- [He bumps into a wall and falls down. All the kids laugh]
- Kid: Hey! Barney's being funny!
- Marlon Brando: No, I'm not. I don't do comedy. Not since "The Freshman," that piece of crap. I don't know what I was thinking, making that picture, let me tell you.
- Franklin: There's a reason there's a banana in my ear. I'm trying to lure the monkey out of my head.