The Critic (TV Series)

A Little Deb Will Do You (1994)

Jon Lovitz: Jay Sherman

Quotes 

• [phone rings] 

  Jay Sherman : Hello?

  Doris : Jay, it's Doris. I'm at the morgue. Could you come down and tell 'em I'm not dead? They don't believe me!

• Jay Sherman : This film gets my highest rating - seven out of ten.

• Jay Sherman : You are an insipid, walking commercial, and your cereal turned my urine pink!

  Humphrey the Hippo : Well, you have to eat six bowls for that to happen!

  Jay Sherman : Yes, yes, and a gallon of chocolate milk. But that's not the point.

• Margo : Debutant balls are outdated, elitist, and sexist. You said so yourself in your review of Boyz n the Hood.

  Jay Sherman : Yeah, but I was really off a tangent that day.

• Duke Phillips : You know why nobody watches your show?

  Jay Sherman : Because it's intelligent?

  Duke Phillips : Well, that's one of your problems.

• [Eleanor is showing an old news reel featuring her coming out at a débutante ball and J. Edgar Hoover in drag] 

  Jay Sherman : Hey, look, Mom. You and Hoover came out on the same day.

  Eleanor Sherman : Don't you say that about your Uncle Edgar!

• Jay Sherman : God love her, Mom, I couldn't change her mind. But you should be proud she has your will.

  Eleanor Sherman : She may have my will, but she doesn't have my gun!

• Jay Sherman : I do have a way with women... over sixty.

• Duke Phillips : You know why nobody watches your show?

  Jay Sherman : Because it's intelligent?

  Duke Phillips : Well that's *one* of your problems.

• Jay Sherman : So run, don't mosey, to "The Tea Cozy," it really hits the spot!

  [laughs] 

• Jay Sherman : Hi Ma, how do you like the tux?

  Eleanor : Oh, Jay, you look good enough to bury!

• [about to enter a limo] 

  Jay Sherman : And I want everyone to know before I get in that I had a big Mexican lunch.

  Limo Driver : Hey, don't worry about it! I once drove James Coco home after a Texas chili cook-off.