- [Brent is on "staycation", i.e. sitting in front of Corner Gas imagining he's somewhere else]
- Lacey Burrows: I need an explanation... Well, you, you at least need to talk to me, because it's just plain rude to just sit there and ...
- Brent LeRoy: Dear Lacey: I hope this post card finds you well.
- Lacey Burrows: What are you doing?
- Brent LeRoy: I've spent the last few days in Aruba.
- Lacey Burrows: What, you're a verbal post card now?
- Brent LeRoy: As I'm not in Dog River right now, I can't speak to you directly. I know this must seem foolish to you, but I've never been one to bow to peer pressure... well, except for when I had that cigarette in high school... and wearing rugby pants in the eighties. I don't know... Anyway, I wish you were here in person so I could tell you this directly.
- Lacey Burrows: I am there. I mean, I'm here. You're here.
- Brent LeRoy: I must sign off now. We're about to land in Madrid, and Kyle, our flight attendant, has demanded I put my table tray in its upright position. He's a saucy one! See you soon. Hola! Brent.
- Emma Leroy: Check your e-mail.
- Oscar Leroy: Fine... What do you do?
- Emma Leroy: Here.
- [she presses a key on the computer; he reads the e-mail message she sent him]
- Oscar Leroy: Oh, yeah... What do you mean, you're going out?
- [He writes a return message; she reads it]
- Emma Leroy: Make your own lunch.
- [she writes; he reads]
- Oscar Leroy: I know what a sandwich is!
- [he writes; she reads]
- Emma Leroy: It's in the tin box that says "BREAD" on it.
- [she writes; he reads]
- Oscar Leroy: Watch your language, Emma! You're going to get us kicked off the Internet!
- Lacey Burrows: Do you ever imagine yourself traveling somewhere you're not?
- Hank Yarbo: No. I can't pull it off. I've tried. I've, uh, pictured myself on an island, and then I imagine some pretty girl rubbing oil on my back, and then I imagine her boyfriend pounding my face in, and then I imagine I'm suddenly made out of steel and a laser gun grows out of my shoulder and I start shooting at the guy.
- Lacey Burrows: That's what you imagine every time?
- Hank Yarbo: Oh, no. Sometimes a bazooka comes out of my chest.
- Oscar Leroy: Did you get my funny e-mail?
- Wanda Dollard: No.
- Oscar Leroy: I sent you a bunch of them.
- Wanda Dollard: I know... but none of them are funny.
- Oscar Leroy: They're LOL!
- Wanda Dollard: Lame out loud? And could you stop sending them to me? The attachments are clogging up my inbox.
- Oscar Leroy: That's probably because you hooked your hard drive into the protocol and then used the bytes to spam it off the Internet.
- Wanda Dollard: How are we ever going to know when you actually do lose your mind?
- Wanda Dollard: [confronting Brent on his "staycation"; Lacey tries to stop her] Dear Brent: I know you're on vacation, but if you get a chance, maybe in between your pedicure and your mud bath, you can fix the debit machine like you said you would. All the best. Wanda.
- Brent LeRoy: Dear Wanda: You can do it. Sincerely, Brent.
- Wanda Dollard: Dear Brent: I don't have the pass codes to fix the machines, do I? P.S.: Your shirt's ugly.
- Hank Yarbo: [joining them] Dear Brent: If you were any kind of pal, you'd bring me over there with you instead of leaving me here.
- Brent LeRoy: Dear Hank: If I wanted you here, I would have stayed there.
- Hank Yarbo: Dear Brent: You suck out loud!
- [he leaves]
- Wanda Dollard: P.S.: You've got pasty white chicken legs.
- [she leaves]
- Brent LeRoy: Dear Lacey: I can't help but get the feeling you've ruined a good thing. Wish you were here so I could thank you in person.