- Lacey Burrows: [at the Dog River Town Bar] I'm looking forward to your show. I heard you were really great the last time you were here in Wullerton.
- Bob Lang: Wullerton? I though I was supposed to play Wullerton tomorrow?
- Lacey Burrows: No. This is Wullerton.
- Bob Lang: Stupid Booking Agents! They never get anything right.
- Lacey Burrows: Yeah.
- Bob Lang: Tell me, is there a place nearby that people here make fun of? You know, like a town people *hate*?
- Lacey Burrows: Oh, yeah. *Dog River*!
- [spits]
- Bob Lang: Thanks.
- [Lacey smiles evil-like]
- Bob Lang: Thank you, Hank. Saskatchewan's answer to Don Rickles.
- [beat]
- Bob Lang: Well it's great to be here. I was just in Dog River, so it's great to be anywhere.
- Bob Lang: [no applause] Yeah, let's just say people from Dog River. *Shallow* end of the gene pool.
- Local #1: BOO!
- Bob Lang: What's the matter? You don't get it? Like you're from Dog River or something?
- Bob Lang: [no response] Uh. Cheers! To the best town in all of Saskatchewan. WULLERTON!
- Local #1, Local #2: [the entire audience spits on cue] BOO!
- Local #2: Yeah, bring back Mean Hank!
- [entire audience starts shouting "BRING BACK MEAN HANK!"]
- [last lines]
- Brent LeRoy: Hey, if you enjoyed our episode about reading, why not check out some of the books we mentioned on our show: The Life of Pi, by Yann Martel; The Saint in New York, by Leslie Charteris; Don Pendleton's Mack Bolan Executioner #147: Payback Game, by Jerry VanCook; and if you enjoyed our wildlife segment, check out Dingoes In Their Habitat, by Jay Robertson ... which isn't even a real book, actually. It's just something our props guy, Jay Robertson, made for us. Actually not a bad read. So visit your local library and get into the magic of reading.
- [Colin Mochrie ducks into the shot]
- Colin Mochrie: Pick up a book! Reading is cool!
- Brent LeRoy: This guy's gotta be in everything!
- Oscar Leroy: Comedy's not funny. There's nothing good on TV any more.
- Brent LeRoy: You were laughing at the TV last night.
- [flashback: Oscar, Brent, and Emma watch a nature program]
- Announcer: ... and so the lion pounces on the unsuspecting dingo.
- Oscar Leroy: Ha, ha, ha, ha! Didn't see that coming!
- [Hank is to host the hotel bar's comedy night]
- Lacey Burrows: Stand-up can be pretty tough. I used to work at a comedy club.
- Hank Yarbo: That's great! Maybe you could show me how to get laughs!
- Lacey Burrows: No, no, no. I worked at a comedy club. I wasn't the one getting the laughs.
- Hank Yarbo: Oh. Improv act.
- Lacey Burrows: [about the book club] Don't you think we should be reading material we can learn from?
- Karen Pelly: I'm learning a lot in Book Club. I didn't even know there were James Bond books. Now I've read two.
- Emma Leroy: I love the part where you can use your imagination to create whatever James Bond you want. I combined Roger Moore's accent with Sean Connery's looks.
- Karen Pelly: What about Pierce Brosnan?
- Emma Leroy: His ass.
- [before hosting Comedy Night, Hank hones his anti-heckler insult skills]
- Brent LeRoy: Hey, Hank, you suck.
- Hank Yarbo: Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date later.
- Lacey Burrows: You're not funny.
- Hank Yarbo: Ain't it sad when cousins marry?
- Oscar Leroy: Hi, Hank.
- Hank Yarbo: Shut up, old man.
- Lacey: Karen, I'm glad you're here. Look, we need to talk about the book club.
- Karen Pelly: I thought the first rule of book club was, you don't talk about book club.
- Lacey: That's fight club.
- Karen Pelly: How do you know about fight club?
- Hank Yarbo: [heckling the crowd at Comedy Night] Hey you! Is that your face, or did your neck throw up?
- Oscar Leroy: Did you hear? They're building that new call centre - in Wullerton!
- [Everybody spits, including Lacey, who looks appalled at what she's just done]
- Brent LeRoy: [to Lacey, evilly] You're one of us now.
- Oscar Leroy: Sissy bookclub. I'm going for a smoke.
- Emma Leroy: You don't smoke.
- Oscar Leroy: I was just making an excuse to leave the house.
- Emma Leroy: Never feel you need an excuse to leave the house.