- Cher Horowitz: [opening lines]
- [voiceover]
- Cher Horowitz: The spirit of Valentine's has miraculously landed on the house of Horowitz. Even Josh has a girlfriend. Alas, only my poor Daddy is still on the market.
- [to Josh:]
- Cher Horowitz: Josh, you haven't bought one of my charity lollipops for Suzanne yet.
- Josh: [sighs] Okay, pick a color, put it on my tab.
- Cher Horowitz: Mm. Daddy, I feel so bad. I have a Valentine's date, and Josh somehow has one too, but you'll be all alone at home.
- Mel Horowitz: Now, that's what we lawyers call 'to smuggle assumption'. Oh, by the way, Josh, speaking of calling, your mother says you haven't lately.
- Cher Horowitz: You actually had a conversation with her, no lawyers present?