- Sam Malone: Listen, Kelly is Woody's girlfriend. I'm sure you could have any woman you want.
- Henrí: I know, but Kelly is so innocent and naive. I love to change that.
- Sam Malone: Boy, I'm kind of torn here. I mean, Woody is my closest friend, but that's a real solid argument.
- Kelly Gaines: Woody, I think you were a little rude to Henri just now.
- Woody Boyd: Well, I think Henri was a little rude too.
- Kelly Gaines: He's supposed to be rude, he's French!
- Sam Malone: I'm Sam Malone by the way.
- Henrí: Oh, I've heard about you in France.
- Sam Malone: Oh, yeah, you follow baseball?
- Henrí: No, stewardesses.
- Woody Boyd: What do you think of premartial sex, Mr. P?
- Norm Peterson: Well, Wood, there's an old saying you know, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Then of course, you get married and you wake up one day and realize, "Oh my God, I married a cow."
- Frozen Head: Help me!
- [Woody is getting worried about Henri's intentions toward Kelly]
- Woody Boyd: Hey, Sam... you don't think that... maybe they've been to...
- Sam Malone: To... the back of the barn?
- Woody Boyd: I was going to say, "to bed together." What is "the back of the barn"? What does that mean? That's where the compost heap is! I can't think of anyplace less romantic!
- Sam Malone: [to Frasier and Dr. Eckworth] You brought a severed head into a bar?
- [aghast]
- Sam Malone: Oh we've GOT to have a policy against that, don't we?