- Sam Malone: Wait a minute. You spent all day getting dressed up. Are you trying to tell me you'd rather stay in this bar than go out with me?
- Rebecca Howe: No Sam. I'm trying to tell you I would rather remove my own gall bladder with an oyster fork than go out with you.
- Sam Malone: Why do you say these things to me? I mean, why do I turn you off so much?
- Rebecca Howe: I don't know, it's one of those things you have to take on faith. It's kind of like I don't know the refrigerator light goes off for sure when I close the door.
- Woody Boyd: Well obviously you've never tried closing it from the inside.
- Sam Malone: [about Admiral William J. Crowe] He recognized me from my ball playing days.
- William J. Crowe Jr.: Nobody gives up towering home runs like Sam Malone.
- Sam Malone: Thanks.
- William J. Crowe Jr.: I wish our missiles flew as high and as far.
- Cliff Clavin: Admiral William J. Crowe, Jr. Voted admiral, 1974. 1983: Commander U.S. Pacific Command. 1985: appointed eleventh Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Wife: Shirley.
- William J. Crowe Jr.: I'm impressed young man. How come you know so much about me?
- Cliff Clavin: Simple sir. I'm an American.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Hello there sir. I'm Dr. Fraiser Crane.
- Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: Hello, Doctor.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: This is my number. I have treated Napoleon, Teddy Roosevelt, and I know I can help you.
- Admiral William J. Crowe Jr.: Doctor, I really am the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
- Dr. Frasier Crane: Aye, aye, Admiral.