- Rupert Giles: Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?
- Buffy Summers: Uh-huh.
- Rupert Giles: And, uh, there's a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?
- Buffy Summers: Yes.
- Rupert Giles: And, well, otherwise, all his spare time's spent lounging about with imbeciles?
- Buffy Summers: It's bad, isn't it?
- Rupert Giles: [sighs] It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Of course, you'll have to kill him.
- Buffy Summers: They didn't hurt him, did they?
- Rupert Giles: They, uh, ate him.
- Buffy Summers: [after long pause] They ate Principal Flutie?
- Xander Harris: We just saw the zebras mating. Thank you. Very exciting.
- Willow Rosenberg: It was like the Heimlich. With stripes!
- [Xander sniffs Buffy]
- Buffy Summers: Okay, now what?
- Xander Harris: You took a bath.
- Buffy Summers: Yeah, I-I often do. I'm actually known for it.
- Xander Harris: That's okay.
- Buffy Summers: And the weird behavior award goes to...
- [first lines]
- [approaching Buffy who is by herself]
- Kyle DuFours: Oh, look, it's Buffy and all her friends.
- Buffy Summers: That's witty.
- Tor Hauer: Do you ever wonder why nobody cool ever wants to hang out with you?
- Buffy Summers: Just thankful.
- Heidi Barrie: Were you this popular at your old school... before you got kicked out?
- Tor Hauer: Careful, she might beat you up.
- Willow Rosenberg: [after the revelation that Herbert, the mascot pig, got eaten] What are you gonna do?
- Rupert Giles: Get my books... Look stuff up.
- [last lines]
- Rupert Giles: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards.
- Xander Harris: Did you tell them that?
- Rupert Giles: Your secret dies with me.
- Xander Harris: Shoot me, stuff me, mount me.
- Principal Bob Flutie: See, the problem is you kids today have no school spirit.
- [re piglet mascot Herbert:]
- Principal Bob Flutie: Hold on, let me get his outfit off.
- [resumes:]
- Principal Bob Flutie: Today it's more gangs and drugs and those movies on Showtime with the nudity.
- [as Buffy gives him a pitying look:]
- Principal Bob Flutie: I don't have cable, I only heard.
- [Buffy smiles]
- Buffy Summers: What is it with those guys?
- Willow Rosenberg: They're obnoxious, professionally.
- Xander Harris: Well, every school has them. See, you start a new school. You get your desks, some blackboards, and some mean kids.