- Elly May Clampett: Was you two out all night?
- Daisy Moses: Oh not me. I come home at a decent hour, but your Pa was like a colt in a clover patch.
- Jethro Bodine: Hey, Granny was right. Hey, you are stove up. Why, you are as stiff as a board. I'll go tell her.
- Jed Clampett: No. What do you wanna tell her fer?
- Jethro Bodine: Well, so she can take care of you. She'll rub in some of her liniment.
- Jed Clampett: Only thing she'll rub in'll be some of her 'I told ya so's' and I'll be dogged if I'm gonna give her that satisfaction.
- Daisy Moses: You should have seen the two of them cuttin' didos on the dance floor last night.
- Jethro Bodine: They stomped up a storm, huh Granny?
- Daisy Moses: They were bouncin' around like a couple of chickens in high rye!
- Daisy Moses: And when your money's gone, she'll drop you. What'll you do then?
- Jed Clampett: I'll get into bed with a hot water bottle and you can fetch me some liniment.
- Daisy Moses: The way you was showin' off, you'll never get outta her clutches.
- Jethro Bodine: She got you in her clutches, Uncle Jed?
- Jed Clampett: Course not. I just took the woman dancin' one night. That don't hardly put me in her clutches.
- Daisy Moses: Ha! She's got her painted finger nails in you like a fistful of fish hooks!
- Elly May Clampett: Pa, if you don't leave before Granny gets home, you're gonna catch the dickens.
- Jed Clampett: I know, Elly.
- Elly May Clampett: Well, she says Miss Phyllis is a gold-diggin' chorus girl just after you for your money.
- Jed Clampett: Well, I know that too.
- Elly May Clampett: Well, why don't you go?
- Jed Clampett: Elly, I have invested a whole day and a heap of money just so Granny can have the pleasure of bein' right. I can't spoil it now!
- Jed Clampett: Mr. Drysdale, did anything happen to Granny?
- Milburn Drysdale: I'll say. She had the winners of the 5th, 6th, and 7th races. Blew it all on the 8th.