- Stan: I've been robbed 39 times. No problems. But as soon as government people get involved, I've got a major incident. I should've never left the seminary.
- Miss Gretchen Wilomena Kraus: [Benson is working very late] Do you know it's 2:30 in the morning?
- Benson DuBois: Thank you, Big Ben.
- Benson DuBois: No roast beef. Give me a hot dog. I don't suppose it comes with Grey Poupon mustard?
- Stan: You don't need it. The hot dog's gray.
- Miss Gretchen Wilomena Kraus: Do you have sandwiches?
- Stan: Do you read? Hot dogs, burgers, chili, pizza, und Stan's health sandwich.
- Miss Gretchen Wilomena Kraus: What's in the health sandwich?
- Benson DuBois: None of the above.
- Stan: I hate to tell you, lady, but that sandwich isn't fit for human consumption.
- Benson DuBois: Perfect. Give it to her.
- Willard: [Benson tries to leave the store while the robbery is in progress] Hey, Wise guy.
- Kurt: [Kurt pushes Benson over towards Kraus] Come on. Over by the pretty lady.
- Benson DuBois: Where?
- Marcy Hill: So, did you figure a way to cut 8% out of the household budget?
- Benson DuBois: I had a sure fire way but Kraus wouldn't quit.
- Kurt: Kraus is a lot like me. She don't take anything off anybody. She's her own man.
- Miss Gretchen Wilomena Kraus: I'm a woman, you jerk.
- Benson DuBois: I think he's trying to compliment you.
- Kurt: I know you're a woman and a very attractive woman.
- Benson DuBois: And on the other hand, maybe he's just insane.
- Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: [the Governor and his staff are having a budget cuts meeting] I've made up mind.
- Clayton Runnymede Endicott III: Uh, yes, Governor.
- Governor Eugene Xavier Gatling: I'm gonna go with my intuition. I'll have that fried egg sandwich