Batman: The Animated Series (TV Series)

The Laughing Fish (1993)

Mark Hamill: The Joker

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Joker : If this lunch meat figured out where we are, Batman won't be far behind. And why spoil my sharky's appetite, when I can feed him bigger fish?

  Harley Quinn : Eyugh! Again with the fish, I *hate* fish!

  [off Joker's glare] 

  Harley Quinn : Uh, no offense, Mr. J.

  The Joker : Poor Harley. This entire caper's been really rough on you, hasn't it?

  Harley Quinn : Uh-huh.

  The Joker : Cheer up! You can be my very own little mermaid.

  [Harley squeals with joy, then Joker pulls a giant rubber fish head over her, and laughs] 

  Harley Quinn : You're really sick, you know that, boss?

  The Joker : Mmm-hmmm.

• G. Carl Francis : [seeing the Joker]  Great Scott!

  The Joker : Actually, I'm Irish.

• The Joker : Don't speak to me again,'kay? Now, what's everyone in town talking about?

  G. Carl Francis : Your fish?

  The Joker : [slaps Francis with a fish]  I told you not to speak!

• The Joker : Good morning, Mr., uh...

  [looking at his name plate] 

  The Joker : Francis. Please allow me to introduce my associates. Ms. Quinn.

  Harley Quinn : Enchante.

  The Joker : And messers, uh... oh. Their names escape me for the moment. No matter. We gentlemen of business have arrangements to discuss.

  G. Carl Francis : Uh... arrangements?

  The Joker : For my fish, of course. This has all been worked out far in advance, Francis. You are merely the last tiny cog in my grand design.

• The Joker : Since my side-splitters don't tickle you, how 'bout a skull-splitter?

• [on TV Harley stands in the kitchen wearing a "kiss the cook" apron. The Joker's men are made up as young children] 

  Harley Quinn : They're finny and funny and oh so delish. They're joyful and jolly. Jokerfish!

  The Joker : Say, Mom, wondering what to feed the family tonight?

  Harley Quinn : What'll I feed the family tonight?

  [the Joker enters wearing a raincoat and hat. He looks like an old sea captain] 

  The Joker : Arr! Try me famous Joker fish. There's Smiling Smelt, Giggling Grouper and Happy Haddock.

  Alfred Pennyworth : [Watching with Batman]  This could cause a stampede to pork.

  The Joker : [He holds up a fork with a morsel of fish to Harley's mouth]  Yummy yum yum. Eat it!

  Harley Quinn : Uh, Mr. J? I have this little problem with fish.

  [he shoves the food into her mouth] 

  Harley Quinn : [With her mouth full]  Yummy yum yum.

  [Harley steps offscreen. The Joker turns to face the camera] 

  The Joker : Yes, friends, that's Jokerfish.

  [Harley is heard puking up the fish] 

  The Joker : Tasty, tempting, and of course...

  Joker's Men : Naturally low in cholesterol.

  The Joker : Coming to your local store.

  [He begins to grow angry] 

  The Joker : As soon as that nasty Mr. G. Carl Francis decides to give me my legal cut of the profits!

• The Joker : You're right, Harley. Fish are disgusting. I think I'll start using my toxin on cattle. Joker Burgers! Ha! Talk about a Happy Meal!

• Batman : He'll be all right once the antivenom kicks in.

  Detective Harvey Bullock : I don't get it. We all breathed the gas, and we're not smiling.

  Batman : He didn't want us. That gas is one part of a binary compound. The Joker exposed Francis to the other part when he threatened him this morning.

  The Joker : [the TV turns on]  This just in. Former copyright director G. Carl Francis will be taking an extended vacation.

  [his picture of Francis changes] 

  The Joker : Looks like he's having more fun already! But I'm not happy! If I don't get my legal claim to my fish by 3:00 a.m., the number two bureaucrat, Thomas Jackson, will feel my wrath. And now, Batman, 'cause I know you're watching, here's a message from our sponsor.

• Harley Quinn : Freeze, coppa! I got you covered, see?

  Detective Harvey Bullock : Well, if it ain't laughing boy's little henchwench. You're outgunned, sugar.

  Harley Quinn : Do tell.

  Detective Harvey Bullock : [she fires her gun, and he's restrained with a bundle of ropes]  AH! What? Whoa!

  The Joker : ["catching him" with a rod and reel]  Hoo! Look at what I caught. Kind of runty, though.

  [suspending him over a shark tank] 

  The Joker : I'm gonna have to throw it back.

• Batman : There's no place left to go, Joker.

  The Joker : [jumping off the ledge, he inflates a plastic lifesaver]  See, Batsy, I think of everything.

• The Joker : That's great, Harley. Really, but you've forgotten the first rule of comedy: if you have to explain the joke... THEN IT ISN'T FUNNY!

• The Joker : [clubs Batman with a wrench]  Meanwhile, back at the wrench...

• Harleen Quinzel : [the Joker places a giant fish head over Harley]  You're really sick, you know that, boss?

  The Joker : Hmm-humm.

• The Joker : As I was saying, since every fish in Gotham now bears my famous and, frankly, fabulous face, I should be getting a profit from every fish product sold. Let's say, uh... a nickel per fish sandwich. Fifty cents for sardines! Millions of dollars a day to finance my happily hedonistic lifestyle. So, which of your tedious copyright forms do I fill out first? You may speak now.

  G. Carl Francis : N-N-No one can copyright fish. They're a natural resource.

  The Joker : But they share my unique face! Colonel what's-his-name has chickens, and they don't even have mustaches.

  G. Carl Francis : I can't help it. It's the law.

  The Joker : Oh, trying to cheat the Joker, are you? Well, we'll see who has the last laugh. You have until midnight to change your mind, Francis, or you'll be the poorest fish of all.

• The Joker : Now, this fella here... came with his own grin. See the resemblance? And check out my catch of the day.

  Batman : [seeing Bullock restrained]  Bullock.

  Detective Harvey Bullock : [spitting out a fish]  I didn't need no batcomputer to tell me that weird-looking minnow came from an aquarium.

  The Joker : Yes, well, this is all tremendously boring. Of course, I can always amuse myself watching old Har give my shark indigestion.