- [Bat attempts to keep his pigeon roost a secret by telling the carpenter the holes he's bored in the roof are for his cats]
- Carpenter: There's just one question, though. You see, we're three floors up. Now how are them cats gonna get in?
- Bat Masterson: Oh, it... it's not for the cats to get in; it... it's for the cats to go out.
- Carpenter: Well then, why three cat holes?
- Bat Masterson: Well, you see, when I say scat to the cats, I just want 'em to go! Does that answer your question?
- Carpenter: Yes, sir.
- Bat Masterson: Now... now don't forget your promise to me. You won't tell anybody about these cat holes. We'll keep that a real secret, then people will think I'm eccentric.
- Carpenter: Eck what?
- Bat Masterson: Ec...
- [Bat points to his head]
- Carpenter: Oh, yessir. Goodbye, Mr. Masterson.
- [holding a decanter and shot glasses]
- Hugh Blaine: My boy, we got the world in a jug and the stopper in our hands.
- [last lines]
- [Bat and Selena are viewing a rodeo]
- Bat Masterson: Is this more humane than hunting pigeons with falcons? The man takes the abuse for a change.
- Selena Thorn: It's much too violent for me. I don't think I can watch this much longer.
- Bat Masterson: Well, perhaps I should take you away from all this... a quiet little place, a table for two...
- Selena Thorn: Surely no more. Crowds frighten me.
- Bat Masterson: Yeah, me too. You know, you have the wild beauty of your falcons.
- Selena Thorn: I do?
- Bat Masterson: I'm a real pigeon for wild beauty.
- Bat Masterson: May I suggest that you leave now, or you will incur my utmost displeasure.
- Lee Baxter: We are going, but you, sir, will remain in Denver on pain of our utmost displeasure.
- Bat Masterson: I'm looking forward to your displeasure with the utmost, uh, pleasure.
- [a murderous shootout disturbs Selena's falcons]
- Bat Masterson: The birds are shocked by all this. I guess they don't approve of our *natural* instincts.
- [first lines]
- Narrator: Denver, Colorado - a town that was really booming in the '80's - had gold, silver, lead, and the best rodeos in the West. Enjoying a more comfortable seat than the cowboys was Bat Masterson, the man who became a legend in his own time.