Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
No Sale (1976)
Arthur Brough: Mr. Grainger
Quotes
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[trying to dissuade a customer from buying a raincoat]
The Raincoat In The Window : No, it'll do fine. Go on and wrap it up.
Mr. Dick Lucas : Despite the fact it's the wrong color?
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : And it isn't waterproof?
The Raincoat In The Window : Yes, just wrap it up. And I must say, I'm really most impressed with your honesty. One would think you didn't want to sell me an overcoat.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : [walking up] And that's because you've got a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on your nose!
[the customer bursts into tears and walks off]
Mr. Ernest Grainger : You young salesmen just don't know how not to sell clothes.
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Mr. Ernest Grainger : [Indistinct mumble through a mouthful of food that has become stuck in his false teeth] And how did you arrive at that hy-poff-e-thith?
Mr. Dick Lucas : I beg your pardon?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : I won't say that again. My teeth are caught up with this c-custard.
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Captain Stephen Peacock : A customer has just complained to me that you said he had a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on his nose.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : [smiles sweetly] Captain Peacock... am I the sort of man who would tell a customer that he had a fat face, piggy eyes, and a pimple on his nose?
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Mr. Dick Lucas : What did we take last Monday, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : [stammering, upset] Oh, don't... don't ask me! My memory's like a... like a... like a... like a...
Mr. Dick Lucas : [helping him out] Like a sieve.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Thank you, Mr. Lucas.