- [Opie's about to trade licorice seeds, which he knows are a sham, to a classmate for roller skates]
- Andy Taylor: Uh, you know that, uh, that you've been taught the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have 'em do unto you?"
- Opie Taylor: Yes, Pa.
- Andy Taylor: Huh. You think you've been followin' that rule?
- Opie Taylor: Sure! Tommy did it unto me and now I'm doin' it unto Jerry!
- Opie Taylor: What's the matter, Pa?
- Andy Taylor: The matter is that I got a idea about the idea Jerry got about that cuff link bein' a button off of General George Washington's uniform and the idea I got is that it's just barely possible that the idea Jerry got coulda come from you. How 'bout it?
- Opie Taylor: Well...
- Andy Taylor: Now, come on. Tell me the truth. I don't wantcha lyin' to me on top of everything else.
- Opie Taylor: Okay. It's barely possible.
- Andy Taylor: Well, that crack right there came from a direct hit whilst Teddy Roosevelt was a-draggin' her up San Juan Hill.